A few days ago was the lads' their final performance as One Direction for a while. I watched them live from a distance to support them, but didn't go to them. I started to tear up once they were done. They seemed so sad to quit.
I let a few tears drop during Niall's solo.
They had photos of them from over the years displayed on the big screen behind them, and to my surprise I was on there too a few times.
I kept myself big during the whole performance and ending, but when I saw Niall kiss Hailee, it broke my heart. Again.
But there is no room for sad thoughts today, since I'm performing my newest Christmas single Santa tell me at the Jingle Balls Festival.
'Good luck.' Shawn says with a smile on his face. 'I'll be cheering you on from the side.'
I nod smiling. 'Thank you.'
He pulls me in a hug. 'You'll do amazing, I know you will.'
'Let's hope that the others are so excited about it too' I reply and we share a quick kiss before he goes to the side of the stage.
I grab my phone to distract me from the nerves. A photo on Twitter grasps my attention.
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My eyes quickly begin to fill with tears. He apparently has a great time right now, while I'm still hung-up on him. This is so stupid.
I wipe away the tears and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. If he can move on, so can I. I get my shit together again, before going on the stage.
'Hello Jingle Balls! Thank you so much for having me.' I begin, while the music starts. 'Here we go.'
'Santa tell me if you're really there. Don't make me fall in love again, if he won't be here next year. Santa tell me if he really cares. 'Cause I can give it all away, if he won't be here next year.'
The crowd sings along really loudly, and I perform with a big smile on my face the entire time.
'Oh I wanna have him beside me like oh ooh ooh. On the 25th by the fireplace oh ooh ooh. But I don't want a new broken heart. This year I got to be smart. Ooh baaaaaa-by.' The confetti canons are fired, while the whole crowd is cheering happily. 'If you won't be, if you won't be here. Oh oh oh ooh whooh oh ooh oh oh.'
