Shattered Songs of Faith

Chapter 50:Bloody Grail: Part 4: At What Cost?

[ Part 1 ]

A long time ago, I used to believe I was alone. Some part of my heart was still in denial of everything around me. Even I didn't understand why I was still in denial that the life I was living was my reality. Perhaps it was because I yearned for something. I didn't understand what I yearned for. That was because I kept unconsciously yearning for love.

The dreams I would have of Byleth where they would mourn having lost the battle. Having to watch what they worked so hard for be destroyed. At times they snapped and rampaged, unconsciously begging for someone to end their life. The years going by and the dreams became more frequent. At times, those endings I saw Byleth marry Claude. At times I saw Byleth marry Edelgard. Others even Dimitri. Even married Rhea. Or even any other of the students. Sometimes it wasn't even any characters from the game but someone else. At times those happy dreams were the complete opposite. Edelgard torturing Byleth. Claude executed Byleth because they saw them as a threat. Dimitri destroyed Byleth because he gave into the voices of the dead. Rhea rips Sothis heart out and kills them or kills everyone in her rampage. Yet, just like every human, they yearn to love and live in peace.

Ai is wanting a heart. Koi is a dreaming heart. Koi breaks in front of reality, reality gets distorted by Ai, and Ai becomes powerless in front of Koi. - Hans Christian Anderson

Haha....

Koi can be selfish. AI can be real love.

Koi is always wanting. AI is always giving.

Love has so many different definitions it's hard to just agree with just one. Hmmmm.......

It took looking at not just death in the eyes, but also the darkness in my own heart to realize the truth of my own existence. The battle against Pittacus and Aelfric was the most traumatizing one for me. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone in the eye let alone my own father with what happened during that time. Especially when I learned, I had "killed" some of my students. Haha, I almost laughed at how foolish I was back then. I kept burying my emotions away and what did they lead? Blowing up in my face. Sigh....

But I also learned a valuable lesson that day. I was able to finally make peace with a part of my heart that yearned for something I didn't realize I wanted. Someone that I wanted to meet.

I'm hungry. Perhaps I should take a break now. Hmmm....

Diary Entry: Verdant Moon: August 23rd 1189

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"Ufu~ "

It was set. The abandoned chapel where the battle will take place. The useless assassin along with his rats hiding in the shadows to strike. Pittacus stood on top of a hill, looking down at the field with a predatory look in her eyes despite them being closed.

"My doll...my doll....ahhhhhhh~" she moaned as she took out the bottle that Chris threw at her.

Her panting began to grow, her pale cheeks a hue of red appeared on them as she shakily opened the bottle. Down she gulped the crimson liquid like as if it were the last drop of water on earth. She screamed in ecstasy as the sweet taste of lily flowers, iron, and something ancient went down her throat as her eyes snapped open and glowed a light hue of green. The color quickly disappeared from her eyes as she closed them once more. Her hair glowed like the ocean water as she smiled.

Yes, today her doll would he hers.

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[ A memory from long ago]