Lost in You

Chapter 51 - Christian

It's hurt to see her denying my love for her. I'm so desperate right now. I don't know what to do to make her believe in me. I have no idea what is in her mind.

And damn his father! Now I think I know what made Merry so off the first night we are here.

"Why Merry? Why are you so adamant to break up with me?" I repeat my question.

She licks her bottom lip. I want to kiss her but I stay in my place. I don't know where we stand now.

"All I am to you is just an obsession Ian. You want me because I rejected you at first. But now when you got me. How long will it stay? I can't Ian. I love you so much it hurts me you don't want the same things with me" her tears leaking from her eyes.

"What do you want? Tell me" my voice is shaky. I don't know what else she wants. She has me in her hand and she doesn't even realize it.

"I want it all. I want a family. I know from your mansion you don't want any kids. You don't even spare a room for your kid. I want a family, Ian. I know I came from a fucked up family. But I'm sure I can be a better mom for my kids. And I want your love too, Ian. I love you, Ian. I love you so much it hurts me you don't feel the same... and it hurts me more you said it just because I asked you" she cries. Not the acting cry but a real one. And my heart hurts even more from every word she said. How long has it been when she realized she loves me? Stupid me, I was trying to ignore my feeling towards her.

"You don't believe me that I love you? That I really really love you?" I ask her weakly.

She shakes her head. "I know this is just an obsession for you Ian. Love is far from obsession Ian...you can't say you love me if you're just obsessed with me. When you dump me I'm the one who will suffering"

And realization hits me. From the very beginning Merry believes that I'm just obsessed with her without any future. That's why she wanted to keep our relationship from the public. "It's never because you want to prove yourself" I say to her.

"Excuse me?" She looks confused with my sudden change of topic.

"You never wanted to tell the fans that we are together because you think it will end soon. You are afraid I will dump you. And the paparazzi will start to expose our story. Like 5 years ago between you and Hossler" I look at her. Please say no Merry. Please...

She looks away from me and that confirmed my statement. Damn it! My heart hurts so bad I feel like I can't breath.

I laugh looking up. I'm trying to control myself, but tears in my eyes leaked anyway.

"Ian.." she comes forward.

I take a step back. "God I'm so stupid. I'm trying my best to make this work while you are so adamant from the very beginning that I will fuck things up. Wow Merry... and you still falling in love with me..." I shake my head.

"Ian... that's not what I meant"

"Yes. That's what it is." I look at her. She looks hurt, scared and sad. But I can't touch her now. I want her to believe in me. She has to know. It's not just an obsession.

"And just because I was a playboy, you are so sure I will never fall in love with you"

"Ian stop" she shakes her head.

I look at her. "I will prove it to you Merry"

"What... what do you mean?"

"I will prove it to you. I do really love you. It's not an obsession." I look at her deeply. I come to her and kiss her senseless. She was startled at first, but in the end she gives in and kisses me back. After a while I pull back and touch my forehead to her. "We're not over Merry. I don't want us to be over... that kiss is enough for me to control myself in front of you for now. I love you Merry" I say breathlessly. I can feel my eyes hot. It takes my everything to take a step back and leave her. I can hear her sobs.