S3 E12.3: The Icing on the Cake

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Hazel's POV

Sarah's glowing smile stands on the other side of the front door. She lifts the skateboard and helmet in one hand and other protective gear in the other.

"I brought knee and elbow pads this time," she says.

I smile at her reckless determination. I doubt I'm going to be as good as her ever, but she's very committed to teaching me. A few seconds later, my momma enters the kitchen from the hallway, and Sarah notices her and gives a slight bow with her head.

"Hi, ma'am," she says.

"Just call me Amber," Momma responds with a laugh.

"My bad, Amber ma'am."

My mom lets that one slide and carries on with her business of getting food.

"I'm just gonna go get my sweater," I tell Sarah.

I set off toward my bedroom, but as I pick up the knitted flower cardigan and spin around, I see Sarah standing in my room too, gazing at the walls, the leaf garland that drapes over my bookshelf, and the assortment of art projects in frames. I didn't even hear her follow me in.

"So this is what it looks like from this angle."

"Yeah."

I wouldn't be nervous, except that I realize my bedroom reveals a lot about myself as a person, and unfortunately it tells a bit more than I've told her. Anxiously, I wait for her to find the one specific item that is surely going to delay our next skateboard lesson a bit longer.

"Good to see there aren't any hockey ball dents in your walls," she says.

"Not yet," I reply with a smile, but I'm too nervous to make it look relaxed.

She walks by a collection of photos on my wall and lights up when she connects with one of them.

"Hey, I'm here," she says.

She examines the rest of the faces too.

"Oh, yeah. Those are my friends," I explain.

"Yeah, I've seen them park on the street before," Sarah tells me, and then she points at a photo. "This girl in the brown shirt can park flawlessly."

"That's Fatima," I say with a little chuckle. "She's amazing at driving. I'm decent, but still not the best at parking."

"Better than me, though," Sarah responds. "I can't drive for shit."

"But you skateboard instead."

"Not as fast, but more fun," she reasons.

Then she spots it. I know, because she does a double take. Her eyes linger on my bed frame, more specifically a sticker on my bed frame—the trans pride flag sticker on my bed frame.

"Cool stickers," she comments.

Her eyes pass on without bringing up the elephant in the room: I haven't told her I'm trans. It's not that I've been hiding it. it's just never come up, and that's not usually something you just throw into a sentence. 'Yeah, I like ice cream, I'm trans, and Scrabble is fun.'

"Yeah, um—yeah. I, um—I..." My words are completely jumbled to the point where I can't say anything. How inconvenient that the time I actually need to make sense, my nerves won't let me.

"You okay?" Sarah asks, coming over to me.

"Yeah, totally fine," I say. "But, um, you...are you..." What am I even trying to ask? "Did you know I was trans?"

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