The Good Hair Family Sitcom

S4 E9.1: Hotel

Jayda's POV

Sunlight streams though the windows of the hotel room, landing at my feet where I stand on the other side of the bathroom door, waiting for Andreas to be finished. Soon, the door floats open, unveiling Andreas in a full green outfit, from the pants to the top. I push myself off the wall and come through the doorway to meet him as I gaze down at his clothing in concern.

"Drey, you can't wear that," I state.

He looks confused. "Why not?"

I press my eyes into his as I reply, "Drey, you're wearing all green."

Instantly, he turns to face the mirror in disbelief, shaking his head. "No way."

I place my hands on his shoulder, letting my chin rest there with them while he examines his reflection.

"You sure the pants are green?" he asks.

"Yes. I'm not colourblind."

Andreas lets out a sigh and runs his hand over his hair then says, "Guess I should change."

I give him a glance in the mirror before removing my hands from his shoulder and taking a small step back to kick the door to the washroom shut.

"In a minute," I say.

He smiles as I lace my arms over his neck to pull myself up to kiss him, but we only get a second before three bangs rumble the door.

"Jayda, Andreas!" Cara yells. "Get out of there! I gotta take a whaz!"

I release a groan and let go of my boyfriend then go over to open the door. Cara's eyes immediately latch onto Andreas in judgement.

"You look like an asparagus," they state as they march on in.

Andi's POV

The hotel hallway bridges all four of our family's rooms together, one for each household, with the exception of some of Cara who joined my family's room since Buffy and Marty have too many kids for one space. The elegant carpet design mimics the spiraling shape of twisted branches and leaves, and the dark wood furnishings reflect the forestry of Jasper, Alberta outside the windows. This vacation location was chosen by a raffle. A family member's name was drawn, and Wyatt's was pulled, and I guess he liked mountains at the moment, so he decided on this place. Why he couldn't have chosen somewhere closer, I don't know. So here we are, and here I am trying to get everyone organized so that we can get out of this hotel finally.

"Come on guys!" I shout as I peek my head into each room.

Everybody's busy doing something, whether that be fixing their hair, playing games, or simply refusing to get out of bed.

"Come on! Natured doesn't wait for us."

"Nature doesn't move," Wyatt mutters as he passes me by on his way into the Driscolls' room.

I follow him in there and find Jayda and Andreas standing in the hallway, Andreas in a full green ensemble.

"Monochrome," I comment. "Interesting."

"I'm gonna change, but Cara's in the bathroom," Andreas explains.

I nod and spin around again to announce to the others, "Hurry up! Let's get in here to arrange the day!"

I slide past Jayda and Andreas to get into the room. Finally, the rest of the family starts to join me, lots of the kids clustering on the beds to sit. Hazel passes Andreas on her way in and gives him elevator eyes.

"Oh, that's a look," she utters and carries on.

While Andreas sighs in frustration, Jayda looks at him and says, "You really need to start labelling your clothes."

"This isn't usually a problem," he replies.

"I beg to differ," my daughter chimes in. "In the previous year, you've mixed up green and brown in your clothing 18% of the time."

"How do you know that?" Jayda questions.

"I have a book."

Andreas raises his brows. "A book on my clothes?"

"No. A book on everyone."

She leaves through the door that connects this room to ours, and she comes back a second later with her tablet with the case she painted to resemble a whimsical purple sky. She plops down on one of the beds between Brayden and Wyatt and opens up an app, swiping to a specific page. By now everyone is gathered in this room, and Hazel's the focal point.

"I keep my book of observations on here," she explains. "It's where I record all the patterns of behaviour that I see with everyone I know."

Brayden leans over curiously. "You have me in there?"

"Of course." She swipes to a page. "Fun fact about you: you know five languages, but you speak English 98% of the time."

"Wait, you know five languages?" Buffy says in surprise.

"I need more multi-lingual peers," Brayden mutters.

"What does it say about me?" Wyatt chirps eagerly.

"Oh, your section is huge," Hazel replies. "In summary, you eat cereal like it's the only food that exists, you've have almost died several times, and you show a lot of ADHD tendencies. You should probably get diagnosed."

Amber steps forward next, asking, "Do you have stuff on me in there?"

"Obviously."

Hazel taps the tablet onto the correct spot while Amber examines it.

"What's that tally?" Amber asks.

"Oh, you and Uncle TJ are super hyper-competitive when given any opportunity to show some form of superiority or get your way, and you've both cheated on several occassions. I've been keeping track."

Amber whips around to face her brother, infuriated by this new knowledge.

"What have you cheated on?" she interrogates.

TJ shoots back with, "What have you cheated on?"

"I have stuff on everyone's relationships and their dynamics," Hazel says as she continues to browse. "Like Uncle Jonah and Uncle Walker. Jonah always get Austen whatever toys or treats she wants, but Walker is more strict, so Austen has almost completely stopped asking Walker for things and only asks Jonah now."

Walker and Jonah snap their eyes together, Walker looking the most unsettled.

With concerned eyes, Cyrus wonders frailly, "What do you have on me and TJ?"

"Oh, nothing," Hazel answers with a chuckle. "You guys are perfect."

Cyrus smiles at that.

"But Buffy and Marty, there's currently a strong trend that the more kids you have, the smarter they become."

Brayden immediately dismisses the idea, saying, "That's absurd. That would allude to the notion that Cara is smarter than me."

Cara smirks when Hazel doesn't correct herself.

"Brayden, no offence," Hazel says, "but Cara has more knowledge on how to successfully commit crimes than anyone I've ever met."

"That's concerning," Buffy mumbles.

"But is it surprising?" Marty counters.

Cara lets a large grin onto their face as they gloat. "Feels great to be the smartest kid."

Brayden gives his sibling a glare, but Cara doesn't let it affect them.

"Alright," I interrupt, "can we just finish getting ready so that we can go make the most of our day?"

My sentence gets drowned out by everyone else as they continue arguing over Hazel's observations. My wife is caught up with her brother, and Jonah with Walker. Brayden is too busy being upset to pay attention, and Jayda and Andreas have disappeared at some point without me noticing.

Looks like nature will have to wait. Good thing it doesn't move.