The Good Hair Family Sitcom

S4 E10.2: Mountain Mom

Marty's POV

"Ahh!" Cyrus screams as he frantically whips his hand back and forth over his pant leg, dusting the place where a tree branch brushed him.

"Cyrus, calm down," Buffy says. "It was just a tree branch."

"I could have a tic on me!" he freaks.

"You won't have a tic on you," I insist. "You're wearing long pants."

"I could have lyme disease," he goes on.

"Cyrus," Buffy repeats, "you don't have lyme disease."

"You don't," I agree. "I know about foresty things, so trust me."

Buffy narrows her eyes skeptically at me and nods. "Mmm. I can tell by the way you call it 'foresty things.'"

"Hey, I used to go hiking with my family all the time when I was young," I remind her.

"Yeah, but you're not, like, an outdoorsy guy," she combats.

"Not true. I love outdoors."

"Right," she responds with a sarcastic voice and a smug grin.

Wyatt's POV

Cara swipes their foot at a rock, launching it into the trees to our left while we walk. It leaves a divot in the wet soil. Tree roots curl along the pathway, forming natural stairs for to help us. That and the darkness caused by the wall of trees on each side of us makes it feel like we're going up some medieval tower staircase.

"Why'd you pick here for vacation?" Cara wonders.

I shrug. "Honestly, I just remembered Andreas's middle name was Jasper when they were asking me. I kinda zoned out and forgot I was supposed to say a place to go on vacation."

They smirk at that. "Nice."

"I like it here, though. I've never been this high off the ground."

"I like it too," they agree. "Feels powerful."

They glance out through a break in the forestry at the view of green-carpeted mountains, each plant looking like a piece of broccoli due to the distance.

"Looks like you could step on one of those trees," I comment.

"Maybe you could. I'm short."

I look them up and down, noticing that they only reach just below my shoulder.

"Oh, yeah, you are," I respond.

"Mom says I'm gonna grow, but being short is good, because if the aliens come, they're gonna see the tall ones first and abduct you."

"Hmm. Makes sense."

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Andreas's POV

Half of the bar is clustered around the dart board, cheering as Dan with the red hair and beard completes his last throw, getting in the triple ring of the 20. The crowd cheers, and he roars with pride. Then Jayda takes his place, and everyone hushes while she focuses on her throw.

"You got this, kid," brassy-eyed Leanne says.

She takes her first shot, getting a triple 16. Her second lands in the green outer ring of the bullseye. The room is quiet as a graveyard. Last shot: bullseye.

Cheering erupts, and Jayda spins around proudly, her braid flying. I had no idea she was this good at darts. It's pretty attractive.

Several burly men and women surround her, patting her back and shoulders while she raises her hands in victory.

Suddenly she shouts to the bartender, "Ryan, next round's on me!"

Everyone cheers again, this time even louder. In the midst of sopping up all the applause, Jayda's eyes catch mine, and I just smile at her. Lured by that, she makes her way over to where I'm leaning against a table, and she leans back next to me. Naturally, her presence makes my arms come unfolded, like a flame bending glass.

"I didn't know you were good at darts," I say.

She smiles happily. "Neither did I."

Someone nearby calls her name, and she's immediately whisked away to converse with her new fans. Her disappearance is quickly followed by the approach of Leanne.

"That your partner?" she asks me.

"Yup," I reply with a smile.

She chuckles a bit and takes a sip from her glass. "Better put a ring on that one, eh?"

Leanne carries on toward another group of people, leaving me with that remark. I look back at where Jayda is laughing in a circle of folks. I doubt Leanne realizes we're only 18. Maybe she's just too tipsy to care. Or maybe she's onto something. I don't know. We're still only 18, not even out of high school.

I return my attention to the dart board again where two guys are selecting their darts.

"Hey," I say as I go over, "can I get in on this game?"

"Sure, bud," one of the men replies. "Grab some darts, eh?"

I do so and step to the side to watch the other guys throw their darts, during which I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and I look to see Jayda's chin on my shoulder.

"You got this," she whispers.

Then she kisses me and lets me go up to take my turn. It turns out I'm not as good at darts as Jayda is, like, at all. Also, now I understand why there are a million little holes in the wall here.

"Hey, you got one on the board," Jayda says, trying to sound positive.

Dan leans down to Jayda to say, "You're not with him for his darts skills, eh?"

"No," she replies, flashing me a smile. "But he's cute."

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Amber's POV

Austen clings to my mom's hand, leading the pack.

"Keep up, now," my mom calls out to me and TJ. "I didn't raise you lazy."

Andi leans closer to me to whisper, "Are you sure she raised you at all? You guys are nothing like her."

"Thank you," I respond. "I would be kinda offended if you said I was."

My mom glances back at the sound of chatter, asking, "What?"

"Nothing!" I quickly reply. "Hey, what tree is this?"

My mom looks where I'm pointing and answers, "Oh, that's a black cottonwood. Isn't it gorgeous?"

"Very," I respond.

We carry on walking for a minute until my mom gets another thought and decides to bring it up.

"TJ, honey, have your considered growing a beard?"

Instantly, Cyrus steps up, saying sternly, "No, no, he has not, and he won't."

My mom looks at him in surprise, offended by his immediate disagreement.

Cyrus lowers his chin, saying quieter this time, "But thanks for the suggestion."

TJ chuckles and takes the hand of his husband, making a small smile appear on Cyrus's lips.

"How unfortunate," Mom responds.

"Poppy should have a beard!" Austen squawks.

Walker shakes his head at that, saying, "We're not going to do that again."

"Well," my mom says to Austen, "at least we're open-minded enough to see the possibilities."

Austen giggles and smiles while she walks with my mother, but Jonah and Walker watch with furrowed brows while they analyze the situation.

"Amber," Jonah says, "something about watching Austen with your mom feels like hippie propaganda."