Solitary

Chapter 45- Let's Try This Again

I tossed and turned in my bed, the purple hue of the room keeping me awake as I felt Nikolai's presence in the other room.

My high completely gone and my mind running in circles. Thinking about everything. My wolf, how she's been beaten down and broken by everyone around her. How I've been beaten down and broken by everyone.

But here was Nikolai, and Christine, and Natasha, and Victor, and Holland. Winter sleeping just a few paces down the hall. These people were brought into my life for a reason. And despite my stubbornness and hostility they're still here.

And honestly I was tired of being alone. But sometimes in moments like these I think that I was destined for exactly that. It's my damn name. To be alone. I sat up in bed, a new found resolve and my wolf was jumping around in my head, happy I came to this decision. If I was going to do this, it needed to start with the person that made this all happen.

"Nikolai? You awake?" I called out into the living room. Through the open door I heard Nikolai's heavy footsteps come towards my bedroom. He came and stood in the door way.

"We got to talk about some stuff." I say, my voice clearly letting him know how drained I actually was. But despite being exhausted beyond belief, this was a conversation that needed to happen now.

"Okay?"

"Sit down." I pointed to the edge of the bed and he did. "I need to know, how exactly do you want me?"

"In every way." He said without missing a beat.

"Okay, no. I'll ask it again in a way you can understand. How do you want me? Do you want me as a friend, as a partner, someone you can see on the same level as you? Or do you want me as a trophy wife?"

His face was written with an unreadable expression as he studied me. His eyes glowing underneath the purple light.

"I want you as my mate." He says seriously.

"Being a mate isn't supposed to be you being overbearing, over protective, and extremely controlling. You came in dick swinging and thought that you being you was enough to keep me in place, but Nikolai I think by now we know each other a little better." I say giving him and even look and keeping my voice calm.

This wasn't the time for shouting. This was the time for finding a solution. My wolf needs a mate who will respect her and love her in the way she deserves, and if it's not going to be Nikolai then I needed to be prepared to turn him away. Regardless if I survived it or not.

"I can't help it." He said softly.

"Nikolai that's not an excuse." I sucked my teeth.

"No Sol, I really can't help it. My beast wants to be near you all the time, he wants to keep you safe and keep you healthy, and I think you also understand that the minute we turn wild we don't exactly see to reason and logic. Now as for the manipulative part, I regret that with every fiber of my being. I hated doing that and I hated being the reason you cried on that plane. But as you well know, every pack needs their Luna, they demand it without remorse, and as king I had to deliver." He sighed. I gave him a long look and something in me told me he was telling the truth.

"Keep going." I said after a few moments.

"What?"

"I want you to list off everything you think you did wrong and see if it matches with mine. And no cheating." I say as I point to my temple.

He scoots closer to me on the bed and gives me an calm look.

"The very first thing I did wrong was not introducing myself the first time I saw you." He said.