Down For The Count

I'm Not Okay

Paisley's POV

"Come on, P. This was our deal. This was what we agreed to." Lin said quietly.

Of course he was right, I did agree to coming with him to the theatre.

Vanessa took all last week off to be with me after what happened at the hospital, I don't think she has any more sick days left, truthfully.

Our deal was that Vanessa would take the whole week off, and after this weekend, I would start going to theatre with Lin again.

It's not that I don't like seeing everyone at the theatre, it's just...I can't right now. I'm scared they're all gonna ask me a million questions and give me sad puppy dog eyes and I'm too tired for that right now.

Alex's wake yesterday physically, mentally, and emotionally drained me, I can barely get out of bed without the weight of everything crushing me.

"Why can't I just stay here?" I mumbled, my face still in my pillow as I heard Lin sigh.

"Because we made a deal. Please?"

It's not that I was trying to be difficult. But I physically could not get up. I've been so unstable for the past week, I feel like every tiny thing is going to set me off. Getting out of bed is not excluded from that. Having to stand up from my warm bed and get up might actually make me break down.

"Paisley." I heard Lin say again when I stayed quiet. I knew he was going to lose his patience with me soon, and I felt bad for being so hard to work with.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"I'm not mad, kiddo. But we have to go soon, or I'm gonna be in a whole lot of trouble." Lin said gently.

I wanted to get up for his sake, but I really couldn't. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried to will it. My body was uncooperative.

I heard Lin sigh loudly before I felt myself getting scooped up, Lin carrying me out of my bedroom and into the living room.

He set me down on the couch so that I was sitting up. I tried to glare at him, but I couldn't. My face was stiff.

He disappeared for a moment before coming back, standing in front of me holding two pairs of my shoes.

"Black or gray?" He held the two pairs of Vans out for me to choose. I only stared up at him, not saying anything.

"Gray? Fabulous choice, Paisley." Lin responded to my silence, placing the pair of shoes on the floor beside me.

Lin disappeared again, probably to go put the other pair of shoes away. I think maybe he left the gray shoes with me with the intent of me putting them on so we could get going.

But I didn't. I just looked down at them, as if they would magically pop onto my feet themselves.

Lin came back into view, frowning when he saw that I had yet to put any shoes on. "I picked the slip-ons so that you'd be able to get them on easily, Skipper. Do you need help with the...slip-on shoes?"

It did seem a bit ridiculous if you took a step back to assess. There's no shoelaces I have to tie or anything. I just have to pull them on, simple as that. Why can't I do that?

But I couldn't nod or shake my head or anything. I just kind of looked up at Lin, watching him take the signal as he kneeled down and helped me pull the shoes on.

My body wasn't numb like it was that day at the hospital. It just...wouldn't respond. Like my brain and motor functions weren't connected at all. Like I had no control over moving around.