NAGINI'S DAUGHTER | 18+

58 I 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵

Trigger warning.

This song basically owns this chapter by the way.

***

"Don't I always?"

I stare at the beautiful sunset, the gorgeous orange and yellow making me smile slightly, though I felt utter weight eating my body alive. The breeze hits me, flying through my hair and clothes as I sat in front of the open space in the Astronomy Tower.

Exactly the same space as me and Zane stood in, me grabbing onto him so I don't fall off the edge. But this time, I wanted to fall from it, I wanted to end the cycle of the never ending pain. Getting abused mentally and physically since I was little, the sense of betrayal as my best friend, and tears as my children that I will never create. Not anymore, the sun would never shine on them either.

Because the world is corrupt that way, the pure hatred that I've always felt was now numb, it was just me. Nothing else mattered and life was strictly unfair, it was empty.

It will never let me live until I die. I will always have the fear of breathing too loud and bringing attention to myself, still remembering the lust in men's eyes when they see me. But when did I choose such thing? When did I choose to become simply a part of their desires?

I will tell you, my desires. A hot coffee in the early morning, a smile plastered on my face as I sit in the kitchen, eyes glazing over from the inside of my beautiful little home. The smell of cooking daring to swish between the battle of air. I wish, feeling the warm sun against my face as I open the window for fresh air, nature surrounding my whole form of desire. My desire. A thing that makes me have hope and gives an evident glint into my eyes, just as the one that men have when their eyes lay upon me, though I don't understand what they find so desirable.

I don't remember much from my childhood, but there's always a slight idea of love in there, real love. Real desire. Real want. But as I grew up, I realized the princesses weren't saved from the evil, but got taken by it. Hiding behind the form of effective heroism, excuses to deceive our rights and worth.

"You are worthless"

"You only exist for my amusement"

"Weakling"

"Why don't you just kill yourself"

My eyes always used to show waterfall around everyone, having no choice but to be vulnerable so people can at least try and help. But no one helps, no one cares. And it's time I take matters into my own hands.

I play with my fingers as I silently sit there, witnessing the sun going slowly yet surely down, as if to represent the end, the end of the day, the end of time, the end of me. 

It was quite a journey, me constantly being lost in my head as I joined, becoming friends with the people I started to love, a family to care for, to laugh with, sing along old and modern songs with, dance like monkeys on the tables, stress over tests, make plans and never finish them or commit, lie to teachers, have each other's back. Loyalty, trust, love, all connected us, bringing us into this single situation, me.

Life isn't quite the flow and there started my enemy, slowly multiplying the pain I have received over the years, it was ironic, the strongest one of all broken in a place that was supposed to keep her safe and secure.

I got hurt over and over, and now that I see myself as a person I realize, just how weak I really am. There's magic going through my veins yet I simply cannot feel it's power, I can't see it, magic can't be trusted, can't be kissed or loved. You cannot see magic, only the consequences of it, and I feel that as though, I am the consequence.