Get out

Burdens are a Pain to Carry

Brett looked down at the box he held, the very one with the letter inside. He wished the letter wouldn't exist, that the letter would vanish, that it would never have existed in the first place. Stupid letter. He carefully set the box down to be able to knock, but hesitated. How would Eddy know the letter existed if he didn't give it to him? It wasn't like he would be able to contact Alex ever again. Brett could have his happy ending, and there was just this one, stupid letter in between him and it. And of course a bit of actually earning Eddy's trust back, but was that really too big of an obstacle on its own?

His stomach hurt a bit as he carefully picked up the envelope again. He knew it was wrong, but he still found himself carefully sticking it in the inner pocket of his blazer. Eddy didn't need to know, and then everything would be fine. It would be fine.
"Okay if I come in?" he asked as he knocked gently on Eddy's door. "I've got the first box of stuff for you."

Eddy rolled out of bed, hitting the floor with a thud before slowly getting up, "Yeah, you can come in. Do you need me to get the door?"

He wiped his face, trying to get himself together. Everything was falling apart, he just didn't know what to do but to silently comply whilst wallowing in his own thoughts. Maybe he had done something wrong? Scratch that, he had done a lot of things wrong but they usually talked about these kinds of things and it would resolve. Not this time though, so all he could do was figure out how to pick his life up.

Brett opened the door before picking the box up.
"No, I got it," he said with a small smile before bringing it inside. He felt almost nauseous. It didn't help when he was reminded how heartbroken Eddy clearly was either. Those sad, red, puffy eyes fooled nobody. "There's three more boxes. I'll get them, but you can look through this one in the meantime."

"Oh okay, thank you," Eddy took the box and sat on the floor, loosely wrapping his arms around it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to look through boxes. He only asked for a few items, but there were three boxes apparently. That meant there was so much more stuff to remind him of Alex. He lurched over curl around the cardboard box that he held in his lap.

"Need anything else? Some water or something?" Brett asked, a bit concerned that maybe he had been crying and getting himself dehydrated. Maybe the fact that he was about to betray him also made him a bit more aware of every hint Eddy gave off about his emotional state. "I can get that first, if you need it."

"It's okay," Eddy murmured. Sure dehydration would probably be more slow and painful compared to getting hit by Brett's fancy car but it would be fine. Not that he was fine, he was far from that. Dehydration on the other hand was fine.

"If you're sure," Brett said softly, taking a step back. Stupid letter. He hated that letter. Why couldn't Alex just be the asshole he had seemed like twenty-four hours ago and leave Eddy for no apparent reason? It would've made everything so much easier for Brett right now. "I'll go get the next box, then."

Eddy nodded then laid his cheek on the top of the box, he wasn't ready to look inside. He may never be ready. How could he be? Nothing would ever be the same! Life wasn't always great being an assassin, far from it, but being with Alex made his life amazing. Alex was the only person he had, besides the letters he shared with his sister. He wasn't ready for the pit of despair again.

It felt almost like the side of his blazer that the letter was placed was heavier than the other, making his suit sit awkwardly. Brett had probably straightened it six times by the time he had gotten down the stairs and over to the other boxes that were still waiting in front of his grand piano. He should probably just give him the letter. He knew he really should. It was selfish of him not to, but wasn't it okay to be a little selfish? When had he been selfish the past eight years? Besides, what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right? Eddy would never find out about the letter... Right?
He was still considering it as he picked up the second box. His stomach hurt so much, though, and the guilty feeling grew heavier by the second.