Get out

Pain is to be numb

Eddy tried to convince himself that he and Alex made the right choice. It was mutual but why couldn't they make it work. Sure, long distance would be hard when they couldn't enter the same country but there were a lot of countries! They could probably find one even if they weren't natives or had no experience with it. If there was a will there was a way. However, he knew neither of them would be happy like that and wouldn't really live their lives. He wanted Alex to be free in his life, and be able to find someone else if that was what he wanted. Not to be tied down. As for Eddy he didn't know what he wanted. Honestly, he hadn't expected that he would live this long. It was a surprise to him that he hadn't croaked yet.

Drifting through the halls as he typically did, he found himself at Brett's door. Lightly he knocked before pushing it open. It was still daylight so he wasn't sure if Brett was in here or in his office.

Brett looked up at the door, a bit confused. He had barely sat down on the bed when the now relatively familiar knock came, which was way earlier than he expected it. Eddy had stayed with Alex until late last night, so why didn't he today?
"Uh, come in..?" he half asked, not sure what to expect.

Eddy had already pushed the door open, but didn't step in until Brett gave him permission too, "I wasn't sure if you would be in here or in your office."
He closed the door behind him once he was in. He wondered if it was strange that he was talking to Brett so much and was in his bedroom so much. It probably was.

"I just got back," Brett informed him with a small shrug, deciding to take his blazer off and hang it over his chair. He didn't feel any better than he had the day before. "You're back earlier than I expected."

"Yeah, it's not wise that I am there for a long period of time or seen, considering he has escaped and I am wanted dead, " Eddy ran a hand through his hair, he wasn't sure what made him want to come to Brett as soon as he got back to the house. He guessed he had too much aversion to being alone.

"I suppose you're right," Brett nodded, running a hand through his hair too. "Well, make yourself comfortable I suppose."
Brett was a bit sad that he had just turned into Eddy's cuddle buddy and was only really useful for comfort when he was sad about Alex. He didn't say anything, though. He should feel lucky to have at least that, right?

'Thanks," Eddy flopped on the bed as he looked up at the ceiling, "Alex and I also talked like I said we would last night."
He just saw this as talking to Brett but also being unbelievably needy. He knew it was probably unfair to Brett but he didn't know how to stop being needy. And if someone told him to just stop, it wasn't that easy, "We decided that we aren't going to stay together when he heads to Japan. Like we're going to start distancing ourselves now then be officially just friends when he leaves. I don't really know why I am telling you this, honestly, but it feels easy and safe to talk to you."

"O-oh..." Brett said, pausing for a second to process what Eddy had just said. They were breaking up. Was it wrong of him to be happy about it? Probably. Was he happy anyway, though? Definitely. He tried his best to not let it show, though. "I'm... sorry to hear that."

"Me too," Eddy sighed as he continued to stare at the ceiling. He wasn't sure how Brett really felt, but he would pretend that Brett actually felt bad. Even if he didn't, it didn't really matter.

"I didn't think you'd do that," Brett said honestly, getting up to grab himself some sweat-shorts and a t-shirt. He wanted to be more comfortable than wearing his shirt and dress pants if he was going to comfort Eddy after breaking up with his long term boyfriend. "I thought you'd go away together, make it work."

"I thought about it, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Living a life on the run isn't a life to live. I want him to have a normal life. Once I was his sense of normalcy but I can't provide that anymore," Eddy felt numb as he spoke. He often felt sad but sometimes he was so sad that he was numb. He hated feeling numb, it reminded him of being on medication. Taking his pills like a good boi to only feel numb and empty.