Get out

Red as Love, Red as Blood

Eddy carefully interlaced his fingers with Alex’s, giving a light squeeze. He had stood silent for a moment before looking down at the smaller man, “Wanna come to what’s kind of my room?”

This place didn’t feel like home to Eddy, if anything Eddy felt as if he were the ghost who haunted it.  In the night he would cry, waking its inhabitants. In the mornings he would drift or all but disappear. Dragging the past back up with every breath he took. Eddy was a ghost in this mansion. Really he had been a ghost most of his life, haunting those around him.

Alex nodded a bit, “Sure, I would love to.”

He wanted to see Eddy’s physical living condition even if he knew his internal condition could be far different. In fact, he counted on Eddy’s internal state being bad. How could it be okay? They had both been dragged through that hell hole and could hardly pass as fine. Or normal for that matter. Although Eddy was still far more human than him. Alex grew up there, it was all he knew. He hadn’t even realized none of it was normal until he had met Eddy. For that reason, Alex was definitely better off than Eddy mentally because it had always been his normal. In that sense, Alex was lucky.

Eddy lead Alex up the stairs, squeezing his hand gently. It was small compared to his own but far rougher. They were calloused from the years of training, the hands he held were weapons, made to kill. Yet they always held him so tenderly. Always so careful with him. It would be a lie if Eddy said he didn’t miss the familiar touch.

He enjoyed Ray and he enjoyed Brett, but they weren’t Alex. Five years he had dated this man and longer had his affections grown for him. His comfort was held higher than the others, sadly for them. Eddy knew this and he felt for Brett but he couldn’t stop the way he felt.

At the end of the day, he slept with Brett as a tool to kill him. His old feelings got confronted with deciding he couldn’t kill Brett and he thought maybe he should give him a good time since one of them was going to die. Then he actually almost killed Brett as a way to kill his own feelings. Which was either successful or it wasn’t. However, out of his own choice, he decided not to entertain it as a way to protect Brett. He knew that he was so fucked that he would just end up dragging Brett down to hell with him. 

He felt bad, but he couldn’t let that cloud his judgment. He couldn’t let Brett close, lest he die. That wasn’t much of a worry with Alex here. When Alex was gone though, his emotions may get the best of him. Alex wasn’t his for long, but he was his now. Thus everything was going to be okay at that moment. 

“I missed you, “ Eddy broke the silence as they scaled the stairway, he never liked the silence. Then again he heard things even when no one said anything. He was haunted by many things. Even if he was the one doing the haunting now. 

“I missed you too, Eddy. Did your fever break?” Alex asked softly, using his thumb to pet over Eddy’s knuckles. He didn’t feel hot to the touch, Alex duly noted. He also didn’t look feverish, which he had noticed when he came in. However, it never hurt to ask.

“Yeah, it broke a bit ago. It sucked to be injured, infected, and sick all at the same time. But I pushed through and I’m still alive!” Eddy tilted his head back as he laughed, it wasn’t really funny though. Laughing was just a way to cope with all the shit thrown his way. If he couldn’t make a joke out of it then he’d be immensely miserable. More miserable than he already was. Which could be pretty miserable.

Alex squeezed his hand as they began to descend across the hallway, “I know it does, but I am glad it broke and you made it through.”

If Eddy didn’t make it, Alex didn’t know what there would be to live for. There wasn’t much in his life that was worth waking up for.