Deliverance [h.s.]

sixteen | baby blue

You're serving a purpose

In a life that hurts

I'm Lonely || Luz

*************

One week, seven days, 168 hours.

It's been a whole week since I last saw Harry, we haven't spoken to each other since that night at his house. He had texted me one time in the past days to tell me he left the money in my mailbox but since then; radio silence.

I ended up cashing out with 300,000 dollars. Jax was so dead set on me only getting 250k, maybe i just got lucky and they cut me a really good deal. At the end of the day i don't really care how i got it, i'm just so fucking glad to be one step closer. I have 44 days left to get the money for Elias. Time is ticking by faster than I ever thought it could, a week blew by in practically a blink of an eye.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend a lot of this week thinking about Harry, wanting to reach out. I found myself reaching for my phone so many times only to stop myself. There was no need for me to talk to him, everything had been settled so far. I know when Steele is ready for us, one of them will reach out to me; but for now it's just me.

Me and my thoughts.

What a dangerous combination that's been these past seven days. I can't count how many hours I stayed up thinking about Harry, the way he made me feel. I see it and feel it all when I close my eyes. The way he grabbed me. How our cores were pressed against one another. The way his mouth tasted of mint. How it felt when he teasingly dragged his tongue across my burning skin. I could hear the way he moaned into my mouth when our bodies pressed against one another, both of us aching from the contact. I could feel his nails digging into the flesh of my thigh and ass, gripping me like he was on the edge of a cliff and I was his savior.

Most of all, I could still feel the way his tongue fucked me.

I didn't hate reliving that night, it was probably the only pleasant experience I've had with him thus far. Our argument was so heated, full of hatred and anger, the tension was boiling over and once the dam started to leak; it was over. There was no stopping the explosion between us. The awful words we said, the way we grabbed one another, the wrath; we couldn't hold it back any longer.

I think a lot about what he did to me, but I also think a lot about what I didn't get to do to him. Now that I've had a taste there was so much I wanted, but knew I could never have.

I want to feel his cock fuck my mouth. I want tears streaming from my eyes, spit dripping from my lips as he rams into my mouth, I want it all. I want to feel his dick pulsate as he cums down my throat. I want to watch him as he comes undone under my control. I imagined what it would feel like to have him inside of me, fucking into me roughly like our lives depended on it. I'd have him bend me over every surface of that fucking house, let him use me how he wanted. I want to hear what my name sounds like falling from his lips as I clench my pussy around his cock. I want him to fucking cum for me, cum in me.

Thoughts are a dangerous thing, feelings are a dangerous thing; especially when you don't regret what happened and don't fear what could've happened. But that's all they are, meaningless thoughts. I still want nothing to do with him, and he obviously still wants nothing to do with me.

That night did come with some hefty consequences though. I didn't hear the end of it for days from Mac, it was all he could talk about, how he told me from day one that I would end up with him. He was extremely boastful and wanted to make sure I knew he was right. I still haven't told him what actually happened, I've just let him create it in his head that way I have less questions to answer. All of it only makes me realize more and more everyday just how much Mac needs to find himself a girlfriend.