Deliverance [h.s.]

forty-eight | the five senses

Yeah, I'm here to kill it, came here for the money

Yeah, there's plenty

Yeh I Fuckin' Did It || Labinth

*************

"Do you ever get tired of coming here?" I peer over to Harry as he guides me through the crowded room, his hand resting gently on the small of my back to push me along.

"So fucking tired, but i get good money out of it and it fills the time. Besides, it's not all bad," He shrugged softly, words pausing for a moment as he looked to me with kind eyes, "I met you here, didn't i?"

A flush glows on my cheeks, heart warm at his uncharacteristic words. I continued to make my way through the crowded room, inhaling the smell of cigar smoke and woodsy cologne.

I meant it when I told Harry I wont forget about earlier; my heart forgives him, understanding the fear in him, but I refuse to forget.

To the wrong person it may seem like I give Harry too much slack, as if I let him walk all over me but it's actually the opposite. He's never had someone challenge him the way I do, forcing his perspective to a different angle he's not comfortable in. I may seem weak, malleable; but the reality is, I'm far more threatening to him than he will ever be to me.

I could see it earlier, something broke in him after he left my house the other day. He's afraid, exceedingly more than has ever been with me before. I don't know how to soften it, mend it even; but I know how to encourage it. I know how to push him to heal. It's not pretty, it's not easy but for my well being and his sanity; it has to be done.

All of it, at this moment, is obsolete. It is a problem for tonight, tomorrow even; right now, it's about taking a much deserved moment to myself. Normally my first choice of "relaxation" wouldn't be going to an underground gambling ring but it's my only option.

It's not all bad. I can see Mac's cheesy smile from the green card table, flagging us over with a rushed wave. Jax sat across from him, back facing us as he sat in the dealer's seat with the same style he had the first night I saw him.

Although it's early, it is notably busier today than the other times i've stepped foot in this place. I think that should be worrying, having to consider more possibilities for trouble but honestly? I really don't give a fuck.

I'll let Harry and Jax worry about security, because tonight Mac and I are here to enjoy a much needed night to ourselves. We agreed earlier that today would be pocket money for us, whether it goes to personal expenses or towards our property. We've spent every waking moment tormented over money and jobs that we need a fucking break before we both croak from a rapidly approaching burnout.

We broke through the small crowd forming around the center table, Harry saying light greetings while guiding me towards our seat.

"You actually got him to get on that moving death trap?" Mac shouted over the bustling voices, welcoming us over to sit beside him.

"Every vehicle is a moving death trap Mac, even your car," I speak mockingly as Harry pulls my chair out for me. I plop down with a satisfied smile, soaking in the shitty smell of smoke and cedar.

"Little G, good to see you again," Jax pipes up with a playful wink, purposely trying to get a rise out of Harry but it goes unnoticed as he stares into the crowd around us.

The hum of chatter grew around us as Jax began shuffling cards, mixing chips, doing what needs to be done to get a game going. Harry's eyes were still floating around the table, sizing up every entity occupying the space in this crowded room.