Deliverance [h.s.]

twenty-seven | fictitious faces

My heart's seen things I wish it didn't

Somewhere I lost some of my innocence

Older Than I Am || Lennon Stella

*************

"I love you so much," Mac slurred out drunkenly as he brought the bottle of clear liquid to his lips, taking another gulp into his system.

"I love you too," I repeated back affirmingly, a small giggle escaping my lips as Mac's face flushed with red.

As soon as we got home, we were drinking and since then; we have not stopped.

I don't feel much, but from the look on Mac's face and the outpour of love he's expressing; he's sloshed.

I can tell i'm tipsy from the hot flush on my cheeks, the tingling of my lips, and especially from the fact that my side feels like a million dollars right now. Drinking may not be the best thing to do right now, but in my opinion; it's the best idea I've had all day.

Today felt like the longest day I've had in a while, and while some of me wants to crawl into bed and sleep. However, the majority of me wants to sit here and finish this bottle.

So, I'm going to sit here and finish this bottle.

I extended my hand, taking the glass of liquid from Mac as he removed it from his lips, wiping the excess liquid from his face with the back of his hand sloppily. I brought the bottle to my lips, taking in two large drinks before removing it, breathing out a long warm breath as the clear fluid burns my throat.

"There are...so many of you right now." Mac stumbled on his words as he stared just over my right shoulder at one of the many versions of me.

I leaned back onto the plush couch behind me, laughing out at him as I settled in.

Drinking with Mac is always an interesting experience. He's not the best at holding his liquor and he's certainly not good at holding his emotions when drinking. He rarely ever gets drunk, so when he finally does he really goes all out.

I've never been big on drinking myself, I hate feeling out of control of my body. It's fun when you first start, the bubbly feeling in your chest, the unstoppable high coursing through your body; but then you crash. You feel so powerful and incredible, you keep going but that feeling turns into a dark pit of sunken sadness.

I guess that's one of the benefits of not being a lightweight, it takes me awhile to get to that dark place. It happens when I get carless, especially if I want it to happen but most of the time I get tired of drinking before I'm even close.

I'm tipsy enough to let go, to not worry about feelings and just relax.

I wanted to text Harry and ask if we were okay, if he was okay but it's for the best we keep our separation. We're bad for each other no matter how good he can feel at times. He feels like Heaven and Hell wrapped up in one disrespectfully good looking package.

Fuck, he always looks so good.

It's even more appalling that he doesn't have to try; he's just a natural phenomenon of magnificence.

That's just the alcohol talking though.

"You remember when I beat the shit out of Cade Laughlin in eighth grade cause he made fun of your old shoes?" Mac slumped back against the couch, clutching the bottle to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling.

"You told the principal to 'fuck off' as they pulled you away from Cade. You got suspended for almost two weeks, of course I remember."

Elias and I had barely moved out a year before eighth grade. We barely had enough money for living, let alone new shoes. He never wanted to admit that we were struggling but there were so many nights I saw him sitting in the kitchen surrounded by bills. He didn't have to tell me for me to know.