Deliverance [h.s.]

twenty-two | waves

It comes and goes in waves

It always does, always does

Waves || Dean Lewis

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Warning!

This chapter contains mentions of panic attacks and anxiety!

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Harry's P.O.V.

I don't know why i dropped off the stupid fucking keys. I should've just waited and gave them to her the next time I saw her.

But no, I gotta go out of my way to do something nice for her after she wakes up and leaves this morning without even telling me?

I don't know why I'm mad, I don't need to be mad. She doesn't owe me anything, just like I don't owe her a damn thing. I shouldn't even be thinking about her right now, I should be worrying about the shit I have going on here tonight.

I've been at the spot for an hour now, it wasn't terribly busy but there was still a decent amount of people. I don't feel like playing tonight, I'm too tired to try and concentrate. I had spotted Mac a few times since I got here, giving him a nod of acknowledgement before he disappeared again.

Mac's a nice guy, I don't know why he associates himself with someone like Grey.

I lazily walked around the open venue, shuffling around tables and pushing past the crowds cluttering the floor. I had shit to do tonight since I'm familiar with the people here and Jax decided not to come. I've spent the last hour just fucking walking aimlessly trying to put my mind towards anything but today, anything but last night.

Last night was good, way too fucking good. It was unlike any high I've ever had before.

Truth is, she's not an awful person but she's also not my cup of tea. I feel for her, I get her situation isn't great, life is hard, but it is what it is. She's nice for the most part, funny when she's not bugging me, cute when she's angry, angelic when moaning my name.

She's okay, simple as that.

I'm used to having her around but if she fell off the face of the earth tomorrow I wouldn't blink twice.

Thats the thing about her, she irritates my brain in ways i didn't know were fucking possible. I know im an ass most of the time, not saying its right, but she drives me fucking insane. No one else can push me the way she does. It only pisses me off more when we have a nice time together and she flips her mood like a fucking light switch.

I know I'm the same way, but still, she makes me feel fucking crazy.

I tried shaking the image of her out of my head as I walked around the room, chatting with associates as I went. The games have been quiet lately, no new people coming in makes my job easy which is why I normally spend my time playing.

We haven't been cheating much anymore, it's just not fun. I don't even play really, my mind is too occupied to focus on games.

Winning yesterday felt great though. The amount of shit Grey talks, it felt so good to put her in her fucking place. I know if she had won, she would have acted the same way I did. I knew i was going to win, i was like 96% sure, she put up a decent fight though.

I like that she's competitive, I don't see that as a flaw of character. I like that she has a drive to her, and doesn't back down from a competition. I see a lot of myself in her sometimes. We're both stubborn, headstrong, we always have to be right. She doesn't let life sweep her feet out from underneath her, an undeniably admirable quality. She's resilient, not because she has to be but because she wants to be.