Deliverance [h.s.]

thirty-five | for her

I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face

I wanna get better

I Wanna Get Better ||  Bleachers

*************

Harry's P.O.V.

What the fuck am i doing?

I mean seriously, Harry, what the fuck are you doing?

This is who I am now? The guy who kisses a sleeping girl on her forehead before he leaves?

I wasn't going to spend another night, I swear. I was going to go home and sleep in my own bed but then she asked me to stay. I couldn't say no, fuck, i don't know if i even wanted to say no.

After dinner she looked so broken, so small; like she was a little kid, I didn't want to leave her that way.

So I stayed.

Jax gave me shit about it, of course; but it was worth it, she's worth it.

I feel, i don't know; sad, I guess. She carries around so much fucking guilt for shit she had no control over which is why i'm going to try and help.

After Jax suggested we get the money back, his first good fucking idea; it got me thinking, who do i know that knows anyone and everyone?

Steele.

I'm not thrilled to go to him for help, there's always a catch; but if it means my blue doesn't look, well, blue; then shit i'll do it.

I really don't know what the hell is going on between us; sometimes I wanna pull my hair out from how crazy she makes me feel and the next moment I want to slam her up against the wall, to fuck, of course.

Hell, i stayed awake most of last night just listening to her breathe to make sure she wasn't fucking crying or some shit. I told her i had stuff to do in the morning and i had to leave early so i wouldn't wake her, she seemed disappointed but i think i just really know fuck all about feelings so who am i to say how she felt.

I do have stuff to do today, I just didn't tell her what; I know she'd try and stop me. She doesn't like help, wants to do everything herself; real fucking stubborn in that way. I can't sit by idle though, after last night i can see how much Elias means to her and i want to help.

I mean, the way her eyes glossed when she mentioned he called her 'teeny', I knew I had to do something even if it's nothing major.

Which is why i kissed her fucking forehead, snuck out of her room so i wouldn't wake her, got in my car, and drove all the way to fucking Steele's.

Now, here i am; walking up the fucking steps of his unnecessarily big ass house. I called this morning to let him know I was coming by, and I needed to talk to him about something important. He's always eager to have me over, its fucking irritating but i guess i get it.

I used to dream about having a dad like him.

Well, that's not completely true. I dreamed of a cool dad who let me do fun shit but like, still cared about me. I definitely did not see myself becoming a part of an organized crime ring with my 'dad', spending my free time scamming a bunch of sleazy ass old guys.

I've been thinking about this shit a lot lately; ya know, life in general. I feel gross now that my secrets are out in the open but i feel safe knowing its blue of all people. I know she wouldn't hurt me, would never use it against me. I'm an ass for the things I've done to her, because the truth is; she's an angel to me.