Deliverance [h.s.]

thirty-nine | arms unfolding

Running away just made sense

But here i am with arms unfolding

Arms Unfolding || Dodie

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How truly sweet it is to be silent beside yourself.

To hear the blissful sound of birds chirping, singing the softest of melodies between each other. To hear the delicate sound of the wind moving through the blades of grass, spilling a rustling whisper throughout the air. To hear the sound of the bees gently buzzing from flower to succulent flower, drinking in its divine nectar until they could hold no more.

I look around and I see what should be serene contentedness but rather I feel hollow, carved from the inside out, scattered amongst the field before me.

Sat on a bench I watch the trees sway, flowers gently guiding back and forth as the wind blows. The field of lush green grass peppered with bright flowers throughout its entirety. The empty arboretum in the palm of my hands, running off my fingertips to pool at my feet as if it was only ever mine to revel in.

The hidden beauty, shunned away from the evil of the public eye was placed in its protected spot by nature herself. You'd miss it if you blinked, thinking it only to be a field of grass and home to trees but like many things in this world; there is so much more beyond its surface.

This arboretum held so many memories within my mind. My grandma brought me here on my birthday for the first time when I turned four, starting the short tradition of us returning here for the following two years before she passed. She would sit on this same bench, watching me run through the fields of grass, collapsing onto beds of flowers from youthful overjoyed exhaustion.

I would beg Elias' dad to bring me here, wanting nothing more than to keep the tradition alive, to keep the memory of my grandma alive; but he never would.

The first year I cried for hours, begging the world to bring her back to me for one last time.

The second year I reasoned, pleading with him like a politician at the podium but it only ended in bruises and silent sobs.

By the fourth year, I forgot what birthdays even were, only a reminder that yet another year had passed by. Another year of long sleeves, salty tears, and coming to terms that I would most likely die far too soon within those walls.

It wasn't until my eleventh birthday that I returned here with Elias and Mac. I swore I had died, walked straight through the gates of heaven and this had all been some sick fantasy my mind had conjured up as I passed on but the moment my bare feet hit the soft grass; I had never felt more alive.

We came back here every year with Elias taking over my grandma's spot, watching me leap and bound through the world's untapped beauty.

However, there was a new softness to my steps when we arrived back here for the first time. I had felt the sickness that plagued the earth, the evil writhing within but this place; this place was the world's cure, the only antidote to ever soothe the illness inside of me.

When Harry spoke of the beach, I understood it so well. This is to me, what the beach is to him.

At my arrival, it's always empty as if the trees shooed away any potential visitors to give me the serenity I so desperately seeked.

It's why I felt so safe coming here, knowing no one would see me in this state. My hair dried with blood, red splatters sprayed across my clothing; i had whipped what was on my face before i walked in, on the unlucky off chance there were people here making this the biggest fuck up on my behalf but, as always, it was quiet.