Deliverance [h.s.]

thirty-seven | she tastes like honey*

Your lips up against my neck

You whisper in my ear "don't let go yet"

Blurry || JP Saxe

*************

Harry's P.O.V.

I should've brought something, its fucking rude to show up empty handed; isn't it?

I don't know how things like this work, I was never a 'bring bottle of wine' bitch. Normally i just show up; you get what you fucking get type of deal but i feel this fucking need to impress her and go out of my way and fuckkk am i sick of it.

It's nothing against her, she's incredible but this isn't me. This isn't who I am. I feel like a fucking idiot trying to sort through this shit, having to learn feelings like a temperamental toddler.

I feel fake, like a fucking puppet. None of my choices feel like my own, I feel like someone is hanging around above me beating their dick while they tug on my little strings, making me bend over backwards for someone like a desperate housewife.

I guess it's not all bad, because she's in my life now. If i didn't have her, what would i be doing with myself right now? The same old boring shit but maybe with a little more of a fucking backbone? I mean, look at this shit; i literally fucking left my favorite job of torturing someone i can not fucking stand to come here and do who knows what.

I didn't even tell her i was going to come, i felt stupid calling her back to ask if i could come over. I don't think she'll mind me showing up and even if she does have a problem with it, Mac would never turn me down.

I like Mac, a fuck lot more than i thought i would. I hate meeting people, but I especially hate meeting people like Mac. He's just so happy even with all the fucked shit he's been through; it drives me insane, like what the fuck is there to be so chipper about? Life's a bitch and we all die, sounds like a load of bullshit to me.

Admittedly so, I like them all a lot more than I thought I would.

Elias, although i haven't gotten to meet him yet, i can already tell i'll have no issues with him. I'm sure we are similar in a lot of ways which will make it easy to appreciate the person he is but more so I respect him for the way he took care of blue. It's one thing to have a kid and be a parent but it's another thing to take on a role that wasn't meant to be yours. I can only imagine how difficult it was for him to replace his needs with hers, and for that I respect and appreciate him more than I could put into words.

Mac, the most kind badass I've had the pleasure to meet. He goes above and beyond in his actions and as much as i tend to fucking hate people like him; i couldn't ever bring myself to dislike him. There's only good shit to say about him but most of all, he feels like a brother to me.

Blue, my ocean blue. Fuck, i wish i had words to say how i feel about her. I wish I had words to explain how she makes me feel. She's fucking intoxicating, all encompassing in the most incredible way. I wanted so badly to hate her, hell i wanted to make it easy and just get rid of her; but i can't bring myself to even think a bad thought of her anymore. Honestly, I never thought them to begin with. I tried to force so much negativity onto her because it was the easiest thing to feel because she made feelings so complicated but now; now, i know my feelings for her are so much more. I feel like myself for the first fucking time in my whole life. I didn't know who I was before I met her but every time i see her it's like she uncovers another little piece of me. As fucking naked and gross it may make me feel, i'm so thankful for her.