Deliverance [h.s.]

fifty-five | soon

R.I.P. to my youth

And you could call this the funeral

R.I.P. To My Youth || The Neighbourhood

*************

Its too fucking early.

It is way too fucking early to be staring at my captive family members severed finger sitting on a napkin in the middle of my center island.

However, I don't think there is ever a 'good' time for this to be happening. But all things considered, it is still way too fucking early for this.

I didn't get into bed till late this morning, squeezing in beside Harry as close as I could. We only managed maybe a few hours asleep in total but even then, most of it was spent with me disassociating at the ceiling in a last ditch effort to pretend none of this is real.

Now, at a quarter till noon; the group of us, Jax and Mac included, are standing around the counter. All our eyes are locked on the large knuckled finger, mouths closed with contemplation.

Jax had showed up an hour or so ago but we all agreed we needed a moment before we jumped into the reality of the moment.

When it felt right; I made the first move, wanting to get this out of the way as soon as possible. We crowded around, all assuming a space as Harry hesitantly set the finger on the napkin in front of us.

It's been silent since then. No one has spoken a word or even let out a slightly too loud sigh. We've kept it quiet, steady; the only noise audible to me is my racing heart thumping in my ear.

I know there's so much to go over, to figure out, but right now all I can focus on is what's in front of me.

And from the looks of it, that's all everyone else could focus on as well.

I broke the silence first, like a crack in a dam. I knew my single deep sigh and breathy huff would be enough to open the flood gates.

It's comical when you think about it; how one small group of individuals could experience so much adversity that a severed finger somehow didn't seem like the worst thing in the world at this moment. Sure it's upsetting, unsettling, but at least it's a finger and not his arm, right? Or at least it's not his decapitated head showing up at my doorstep?

I think that would be the worst case scenario.

So, in the grand scheme of it all; i'll take this as the best case scenario.

I let out another hum, as if I was gently queuing everyone to join. In unison our heads all tilted, shifting to look at the mangled appendage in front of us. There was a wave of various sighs and deep breaths from the group, still cocking our heads as if we could change the situation if we just looked at it differently.

Harry was the first to vocally break the barrier, "I uh- i can't tell what finger it is." I cocked my brow to him, hesitation in his tone, "Is it his middle? Or- or his index?"

I drew my focus back, fully able to speak without any reservation.

"No, no. That's his pinky," I responded confidently, almost nonchalant.

"Fuck! That's his fucking pinky?!" Jax shouted beside me, leaning further into the counter with wide eyes. He took a beat, a flash of dark contemplation on his face before he opened his mouth to speak again, smirk overtaking his lips, "Hey, you know what they say about big hands?"

All eyes flew to him, mouths agape with shock at his joke; everyone except me. My head fell back, laughter exploding out of me. I tried to hold it in, but my chest hiccuped, giggles falling from my lips uncontrollably. Everyone's eyes went from Jax to me, looking confused and concerned; except Jax, he wore a boastful grin, nodding along to the sounds of my laugh.