Deliverance [h.s.]

fifty-one | power

In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore

As long as you can let them go

Matilda || Harry Styles

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Warning!

This chapter contains mentions of sexual violence and other heavy topics. 

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"Ditch the games. Stay in bed with me all day. Play pretend, like we're normal people with normal lives. I'll let you domesticate me for an evening." I pleaded, sprawled out on Harry's bed as he paced the room, gathering various items as he readied for the evening.

We slept in late this morning, exhausted from last night. I spent the afternoon till now, well into the evening, following him around as if it was a full time fucking job. After running random errands and a lazy couple of hours, Harry pried himself away to pull himself together before the games tonight.

He offered for me to come but I had already decided yesterday that I'd stay home and spend some much needed time with Mac. With everything that's been going on lately i feel like our friendship has taken a back seat and he deserves my time

Also, I've been having an internalized panic attack since last night when Harry pulled out the shirt. He hasn't brought it up since but when he looks at me; i feel like he knows. I feel like he can see right inside of my head and its stressing me the fuck out. The only person who understands, who can make me feel sane; is Mac.

So as much as I'd love to stay here or go to the games with Harry, I need my best friend. I need Mac more than anything.

Until last night, I never felt the need to tell Harry what happened to me in my life. I felt like I could go forever sneaking by with my secrets buried so deep down, an entire lifetime of digging couldn't bring them up. But, now more than ever, I feel guilty as if I'm lying about the colors of my past even if that's so far from the truth.

I know Harry, I know he wouldn't think different of me or be anything other than kind but the mind is a mischievous bitch.

Holding on to your hurt, keeping my trauma for only me to see does not make me deceitful; and I will tell myself that until I truly believe it.

"Domesticate you, hm?" Harry breaks the silence with a giggle, "As much as I would love to, I have to go. We're not normal people, we don't have normal lives."

I sighed dramatically, rolling from back to stomach to watch as Harry dressed himself. I watched him slip on a collection of wires, a small box wrapped around his waist to be hidden by the dark fabric of his clothing. The same box and wires used in the previous games unbeknowst to me, but now I see them clearly and it feels like a shock to my system all over again.

My eyes watched wide and intently. I knew he cheated, I remember well and clearly but I've never seen the intricate works of their elaborate scheme in person before. It almost feels as if the cheating was a part of their own bodily system, like it was a piece of their makeup; but seeing the wires is a reminder to reality that this was created by their own hands and minds.

With a slip of his slacks over his long legs, the wires were out of sight as if they were never there to begin with.

"I thought you were done cheating?" I question with a cocked brow, Harry watching me from the mirror in front of him.