Freeze Frame

Chapter 137

Sorry for the metric shit ton of a delay

Third person pov

Izuku doesn't have any excuses. Only half-cocked explanations that sound pathetic when he thinks about them hard enough. Back in the heat of it, it had all made so much sense. He lived in a world that hated him, and that deserved to be hated back. He had suffered, so why shouldn't other people? Society was cruel, and hypocritical, and excluding. Why wouldn't he want to dismantle that? Why wouldn't he want those who'd hurt him to feel the same hopelessness he'd felt?

It was fucking stupid. He's stupid. He's not the only little boy in the world to grow up without a dad to love them. He's not the only one who has ever been bullied and discriminated against. The only one to be told they weren't capable of doing something. There are people who have it far, far worse than him. He's a child-- one who snapped when they were told by their idol that they couldn't achieve the far-fetched dream they knew deep down was probably impossible anyway! Like a kid who'd been told they couldn't have a toy at the grocery store. He was pathetic.

Of course All Might had told him being a hero was too dangerous for someone like him. All the hero had to work from was what he'd seen firsthand. A scrawny, anxious, muttering kid who had almost fucking ate it to a villain under a dark bridge. Back then, he'd had no muscle mass and could hardly form a full sentence without tripping over himself. He wasn't hero material and had done nothing physical to work towards his goal. Not everyone can reach for the stars and achieve their dream, and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Yet somehow, Izuku had failed to cope.

He was the type to get mad at the world. He was narrowminded and jealous-- upset by the cards he'd been dealt, when he really should've just accepted his hand and played it strategically. He operated as though he were on the same level as someone like Kacchan, or even All Might. He was not less, but his abilities were not up to par with theirs, and that was a simple fact. He should've taken the hit, processed it, and worked around it. But that reality had been too sickening to take in, he supposed. Just... fuck, there were other ways to get his revenge without throwing innocents in harms way. It had just... it had been too easy, and All For One's deal had been too sweet for him to resist. It is a series of decisions he will likely regret for the rest of his days.

Even when All Might offered him a quirk, he'd still been mad. He'd found it hypocritical, finding out that All Might had also been quirkless. Pretty fucking stupid. Yeah, All Might had been quirkless, and he probably hadn't had high hopes of being a great hero back then. Because he'd been, again, fucking quirkless. But then he'd been given a power that set him ahead and he'd been able to achieve his dream. He'd been given a tool to do what he wanted, and then he'd decided that Izuku was worthy of the same sort of help. Izuku should've accepted with pure intentions.

Instead, he went in spitefully. He got into UA with ulterior motives, made connections, and built trust with people he didn't deserve to associate with. He got embroiled in this lie, and by the time he realized he had everything he'd ever wanted, it was too late. He'd had someone who loved him for him, actual friends, a teacher who wasn't a piece of shit, a mentor who saw him as a son. This whole, amazing life and future he could've kept if he'd just pulled his head a little further out of his ass! His tendency to obsess and hyper-focus had kept him locked into this idea of revenge. The look on Lillian's face had only been half of a wake up call.

He thinks his mother is what really did it for him. It's as though he hadn't been living in the same reality as everyone else before. Seeing his mother's grief-stricken, tearful expression had been a sharp slap to the face. It's like every ounce of empathy that had been shoved down into the pit of his stomach had slammed back into the rest of his body, and the lights upstairs had come back on.  The realization of what the fuck he'd just done. The gravity of it, what he'd just lost, and who he had hurt. What had Lillian ever done to him? When had he started obeying All For One so surely? He'd said that she was a poison that had to go-- a growing threat because of her ability to freeze things-- and he'd just nodded along. As though he'd lost the ability to think for himself.