Recovery

Waiting Is Too Hard

This morning I woke up and I started crying, and I thought it was because of my ankle since I'm on crutches, but I realized it was because I miss him. I've had to fight every urge in my fucking body not to text him because this just doesn't feel real. We made plans for the future and I was so certain it was going to happen. But it won't because he doesn't care... who knows how long he didn't care... Who knows how long he went on not loving me even though the night before he told me. I keep asking myself, what did I do wrong? I want him back. I NEED him back. But he doesn't need me. He'll go to another girl and forget all about me, the one he loved all these years. He said that he would always stay with me, that I have no reason of worrying, yet he broke that, just like everyone else. I'm like a zombie going through the halls, not giving a damn about what I look like with no makeup on and swollen eyes. I had a reason to be happy and now I don't. People think I'm crazy and I know I'm crazy and I'm so scared I'll take him right back like I did in January. Exactly 3 months ago he hurt me and I took him back too quickly. My mommy says I shouldn't take him back only until I know he has proven himself but he won't come back to prove anything. If he does, he'll only prove that he doesn't love me anymore, that he doesn't care for me. He's too perfect and I'm just me. But I keep waiting on his damn text, but God. It's never going to come, is it?