Recovery

Getting Rid Of Your Image In My Mind

1. My best friend forced me to delete your number from my phone and I winced but I was thankful for it later when I drank until my heart was drowning and I opened up my messages with the words, "Goddamnit, I loved you, what the hell? Do you feel anything? I hope you choke and die!!" typed in but nobody to send it to.

2. That old mixtape CD you made for me is under my bed, along with every damn letter and necklace and sweet nothing you've ever given me. When our friends get nervous and ask me how I'm doing I pretend that I lost it. Really, it's the only thing I've managed to hold on to.

3. I saw you on the street the other day. There was some girl holding your hand. She was a lot prettier than me, and I couldn't stop thinking about the way your lips moved when you told me I was beautiful, or when you sat me down and watched me as I ate everything on my plate. I wonder if you've seen her undressed yet. I wonder if she kissed you like I did.

4. Your name is a taboo at my house. Remember when we used to refer to people with their first initial when we didn't like them? You're one of those people now. My best friend's mom asked how you were doing yesterday. She really liked you. The room went dead silent.

5. Remember the last boy who broke my heart? Remember how I thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen to me? I kissed him last week. My shirt was unbuttoned and his was off. There was beer on the carpet and his breath smelled like bourbon. I didn't feel a thing.