Recovery

Bad Nights

All the memories come rushing back. You try to listen to music to escape but every song has a connection to him. You cry for 3 hours until you fall asleep. You wake up and hour and a half later and cry and think and remember until it's already time to wake up. You know you shouldn't have, but you slept in his hoodie trying to hang on to him, but you already lost him. You had less than 2 hours of sleep and your eyes are all puffy but you try your best to look amazing hoping he regrets breaking up with you in the first place. You show up at school and hand him his sweatshirt back, acting like you don't care but secretly hoping that he realizes it smells like you and how much he misses you. Your friends tell you it's for the best because what kind of coward breaks up with his girlfriend over text and runs away from their problems by ending it instead of facing them. Asshole. Jerk. Coward. Dumb. Stupid. You hear all these but you can only think of the good things about him. The memories. How sweet he was. How he would rub your thighs when you sit next to him. Him staying up late to text you. Watching all the Disney movies together. How he called you almost every day the whole month your phone got taken away or even facetime you every night over Christmas break. You remember those things, not the bad things. The little fights. The big fights. The bickering. The name calling. Him hanging out with other girls and not even inviting you. But you're still in love with him right? All his friends look at you. All your friends give him dirty looks. You should never speak to him again. I mean, he broke your heart and it doesn't even seem like he cares. Stupidly, you go see him anyways, and you tell him how much you miss him and love him and how much he hurt you and how you don't even know why you love him anymore after what he did to you. You ask him why he did this and he tells you, you ask him if he even loves you and he doesn't reply. You end it with "Whatever, fuck you." and your heart breaks into a million pieces all over again.