Recovery

Dear Asshole

Hi. I need to write to you again. You've been on my mind recently and I have no fucking idea why. Why can't you get out of my head? Maybe it's because the voices keep telling me he's like you. That he'll leave like you did even after all the promises. He says the same stuff you did. The promises. I don't know what to think. On January 19th, i will be 6 months clean. Half a year. Wow. Did you know that my last cut was because of you? July 19th. One day after i was 2 months clean. 4 days before you broke up with me, which was 4 days before our 2nd month anniversary. Yes. I remember all that. Remember? I have a good memory. I also remember how you treated me during that time. How you didn't talk to me for 4-5 days because you were mad at me because I went to spend the night at my best friend's house because she was suicidal that night. How i told you how I felt and all you said was "okay". How I texted you 5 page texts and poems and yet you still didn't reply. How i told you I was no longer clean AND STILL NO REPLY. How you would get mad at me because I had voices in my head. That's why I can't tell him stuff now. I'm afraid he'll get mad at me. Because of you. Thanks. Did you know that on the day before I met him, I was gonna text you to see if we can become friends again? I wasn't over you then. And then he comes into my life && i get over you in a day. A DAY. He made me forget about you. So why couldn't you stay away? I still wonder about you. How your cat is. How your dog is. How your anger is. I still listen to the eminem songs you introduced me to. It's funny because they scare me yet i listen to them when i'm scared. Do you still think about me? I mean I know you're avoiding me. You told him that. Which kinda hurts. But still. Do you still think about me? I see you sometimes and you look at me with the same look that the first guy looks at me... I hope you're hurting because of me. That you made a mistake. Because you did. I know I was a bitch both times we dated. And I will admit I was embarrassed to date you. I was an athlete. And you were a nerd. That didn't do anything. So yeah. I was embarrassed. But it's whatever. I was a bitch. That's just who I always will be. Anyway, this is the end of my letter. See you around.