Recovery

Thunderstorms and Flowers

I was whole until I met you and then I degraded myself down to a half. you told me it was okay and that you'd complete me. you said, "anytime, i'm here." and I thought you meant it. you promised you did. so as the days went on, I went to bed happy and I would wake up to your goodmorning texts and for months I would smile constantly. you gradually started grabbing my hand and told me, "it's okay, i'm here." and I let you take over my soul with the flowers you so desperately wanted to plant. you kept telling me how beautiful it was and how beautiful I would become and little did I know that all your flowers had thorns and every time I would try to breathe they would stab me and to say it hurt would be an understatement. your love was so beautiful and when you left, those flowers kept stabbing my lungs and I wanted more because they reminded me of you. so I dug up my veins and planted flowers in them and placed them in rows like you would on the window pane. only this time, the thunderstorms were in my eyes and the rattling was my ribs closing in on me and suffocating me but you didn't care. you only liked beautiful things and you only wanted me because I made the world somehow seem to spin faster and I believed maybe you did love me or maybe it was just simply my fantasy - I don't know anymore. I tried texting you and you texted me back saying you didn't miss me and that was when all my flowers were uprooted and all my sunshine was covered by the darkest rain clouds and i'm sorry I can't always be sunshine and flowers and i'm sorry that all I am now is dug up graves of flowers but if you come back, you can plant all the flowers you want, you can paint sunshine all over me so maybe i'll finally be beautiful to you. but you're not coming back, because when a tornado comes through and rips up your house, you learn to lock the doors and go down to the basement to take cover and I wasn't warned because your hand seemed so tempting and warm and I never knew why you liked to play in storms but I guess that's why you liked me- because I was the greatest thunderstorm and although from far away I am beautiful, I guess the inside was too dark and scary for you.