Recovery

A Letter I Will Never Send - Sonal

Hey.

It's nearly summer break, and I was wondering if we could start again.

I know that we ruined things nine months ago, and that three season have passed since then, and that people change, but the thing is, my feelings haven't. I still love you. Last summer, we had so much. Cuddles, long walks, late night conversations, "i love you's", morning phone calls, everything. And then those autumn winds came and whipped all of that away and in an instant, we were nothing. That taught me everything I know about permanence. That it doesn't exist, other than in the feelings I have for you. 

When you started dating your (now ex) girlfriend, I tried to be happy for you, because I was, but this huge part of me was just pissed because I didn't make you happy like that. I used to, but people change.

When you broke up, I cried because I didn't want you to be alone. Never once did I think that now I had a chance.

And because things are getting better between us, I'd like to tell you what I haven't been able to for nine months: I adore you. I am infatuated with you and I want you to know that you have oceans in your eyes and a rainforest in your mind and you are such a beautiful thing and I am a barren wasteland drained of all it's color. You are the stars, always permanent, always there, and I am like an eclipse, when I arrive everything plummets into darkness and I am so temporary, I am so temporary. I still remember how you used to memorize my favorite songs and I love you and you are so permanent. 

And, my love, with all that being said, please could we start again, because this summer will be awful without you?