Recovery

What Should've Happened Then

"Maybe you did love me and maybe what we had was real." She said, looking him directly in the eyes."But baby, I'm not like one of those cigarettes you smoke. You can't keep setting me on fire for your pleasure then putting me out when you're bored of me. One minute you're hot then you're cold. You want me then you don't want me. It's confusing and heart breaking knowing how much I love you."

"I'm sorry... It meant nothing... She meant nothing... I made a mistake.." He apologized.

She looked at him smiling a smile so hauntingly sad that she knew they would both remember it for years to come. "No my love, no. Cheating is never a mistake. You made a concious decision to choose another woman over me even if it was just for a little while and that hurts. That breaks my heart because I will never choose anyone over you. I'm not angry though. Sad? Yes. Heartbroken? Yes. I need to not talk to you for a little while or a long while. For right now, my heart is shattered into a million pieces and I know I can try to pick up the pieces and come back to you but we both know it's better to leave broken glass broken rather than hurting yourself on it.

I'm ready for the nights of endless tears. I'm ready to scream into my pillow at 2 AM because it hurts and I miss you. I'm ready to wait till everyone goes to bed so I can get in the shower and cry to my heart's content. I'm ready for sleepless nights and days where I wish I could disappear. No matter how much I may regret this decision later, I am walking away from you from this very moment. No matter how much I will regret my decision later and no matter how much it may hurt later on when I miss you, I can not forgive you for cheating on me.

Or maybe I've already forgiven you, I'm just unable to trust you. I don't want a man who is unable to stay faithful to a woman anyways. You baby, are like a puppy. You will run off with whoever gives you attention. I need someone a bit more mature, loyal. Someone who will stick by my side. I know I could be angry at you and try to hurt you but I pity you. You lost a woman who loved you with all her heart and soul and while I'm sad about losing you, it probably isn't that big of a loss anyways because I've lost a man who never loved me anyways." She said to him as she walked away. It took every bit of strength she had in her to not look back and run into his arms, kissing him and telling him that it will be okay. They will be okay. That can make it through this.