Recovery

You Are Strong (End of Story)

I'm not here to tell you it gets better.

I'm not here for the same speech you'll hear over and over and over until it's burned in your mind.

The bible of those who pretend to care, the scripture memorized and repeated by every person who pretends to understand.

I'm here to tell you it gets worse. I'm here to tell you this is a slippery slope. 

Won't be long until you well acquainted with the porcelain tiles on your bathroom floor. Face down and wondering if the little splotches you see is your dripping blood or a result of vision loss from the tortures you're putting your body through.

It's spent years building you into the beautiful human being you are and look at you now, trying to burn it to the ground.

I'm here to tell you you aren't strong enough to resist. 

One minute it's just skipping breakfast but fast forward, it's the carnival ride from hell. A merry-go-round that you can't get off going faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and nothing. There's a tube down your throat and your parents are crying. You wish you were nothing.

I'm here to tell you this only gets worse.

Close your eyes but you won't rest. Awake, asleep, it doesn't matter you're always in hell. Demons haunt you, people haunt you, doctors haunt you, and the voices in your head don't just go away. They're hell bent on ruining you and it won't stop.

I'm here to tell you you can't fix this. 

Happiness will evade you. Joy is a foreign concept. No matter what pleasures life may drop at your door, you still feel numb / blank / alone / dead. You're trapped in your mind. No exits, no way out. You're in this for the long haul.

I'm here to tell you it doesn't get better.

You'll fall down the rabbit hole and lose yourself entirely before you realize it's too fucking late before you realize how stupid you've been. 

And then, you're done. You're dying. You're dead. Gone. Alone. 6 feet under. The end.

I'm here to tell you to get help.

I'm here to tell you that you can't make it better on your own. 

I'm here to tell you that waiting is the worst thing you can do.

I'm here to tell you cancer is kinder than some metal illness and has a higher survival rate.

Catching this soon is key and you aren't strong enough to do this by yourself.

 I'm here to beg you, ask you, plead with you, don't turn into me. Don't turn into another statistic. Don't ruin your life because you aren't "sick enough for help" Don't let your life slip away from you. 

Live, love, laugh, nourish, heal.

I'm here to remind you that life is possible.

Recovery is possible. And you are deserving and you are so beautiful.

So please, don't tear yourself to the ground.

I'm here to tell you I regret it all.