Recovery

Caption - writingmyself IG

He tilts his head back and lets out a sigh. "You know, you can't keep doing this to me." I say, inhaling a deep breath and forcing myself to remain calm. He looks me straight in the eyes and says "You can't stop me. You haven't stopped me from leaving before, so I'll leave again and again until you finally fix the mess you've made of yourself and then maybe, just maybe I'll stay for once."

And with that, he left and slammed the door so hard it felt as though all the walls were going to collapse and cave in on me just like the walls of my heart were beginning to do. He left again. He doesn't bother to come back for days and I'm so tired of his absence, I want him to leave and never come back but I can't live without him and every part of me would fight just to simply be with him. His presence means everything to me and now that he's gone, I am nothing but fragile and lonely and all I want is to scream his name until he finds his way back to me, but the thing is. I don't think he wants to come back to me, I think he wants to leave but something keeps pulling him back. I look out my window and see him sitting in his car with his head on the steering wheel.

My heart acts before my brain and I walk to his car and tap on his window. His head jolts up and his face looks as though his tough exterior, I see through it for the first time in all of the time we've been together. He looks weak and fragile and I want nothing more than to reach my hand out and grab his, I want to remind him that everything's going to be okay but instead I open the door and simply sit down and look at him. "What's wrong?" I ask, demanding an answer. "You." he says, inhaling a few deep shaky breaths. "Me?" I say, a wave of confusion washing over me. "Yes you. You claim you don't want me to leave but you never do one single god damn thing to make me stay. You don't ask me to stay. All you do is watch me fucking walk away." I look over and I swear to god I saw tears start to well up in his eyes.

He slams his fist against the steering wheel causing me to jump. "Maybe all I want is for me to be the reason you stay. Am I not enough?" I say, forcing the tears to stay back. He shakes his head. "You are, but I need to leave. Get out of my car." and with that, I get out and slam the door, leaving him to deal with the silence and absence that he always leaves me with. Maybe it'll torture him enough to bring him back and cause him to stay longer than just a few days