Recovery

6 Things You Won't Tell Your Friends

1. You'd take him back. You'd take him back in a heartbeat, if it meant being his again. 

2. The reason you didn't sleep last night isn't that you had to stay up doing homework till 3 in the morning. The reason is that you were going through old text conversations looking for a change. A shift, somewhere that you can identify as the point where he stopped loving you like before. Those kind of things keep you up at night now.

3. You don't need him anymore, but you want him. You want his smile in the morning and his laugh and his dumb jokes and his funny faces. You want it all because he means the world to you and every part of him is a part that you want to love. 

4. You're 17, but you drink like you've lived a lifetime of pain. You drink because you've had your heart ripped out- and you have tried to replace his love with other things, but only alcohol can make your heart race the way he used to.

5. Coffee tastes bitter on your tongue but you read online somewhere that it makes you feel less hungry so now you like bitter. Bitter is the only thing you want. And in the back of your mind you know it isn't healthy and it's not right but maybe if you get a little thinner, you'll be worth loving. Maybe if you tried a little harder at looking the right way and talking the right way rather than being loud and hungry, you'll be enough. He's made you question everything, and suddenly all you'll wonder is why you weren't worth loving.

6. You'd take him back. You'd take him back and you'd do anything to make him want you again, even when you know that he probably never wanted you in the first place.