Recovery

Realness

I wonder if 5 years down the road you'll wake up hugging your pillow thinking of me. But I wish you all the best in this life because I love you too goddamn much to ever want you to be anything but happy. I wish that this week never happened and we were still laying in bed smiling and touching each other's faces. I wish you would let me in to your head and spill out all the shit. I wish we could work through this. I wish my heart wasn't pounding 24/7 and I didn't feel like I'm being stabbed repeatedly in the chest. I wish you didn't know every fucking outline of my body and the way I kiss you when you're sad. Because I still feel your goddamn lips on mine in my sleep. I don't know if what I feel even matters anymore but I hope you know that I love you more than I love anything on this world and seeing you hurt and not letting me help makes my body ache and my head spin. It doesn't stop. The spinning. My room circles around me like a Ferris wheel that just won't fucking stop. Maybe I shouldn't say any of this, maybe I should be better off never seeing you or speaking to you again, but I don't believe that. I think that what we had doesn't come often. And maybe I'm just a dumb teenage girl who doesn't know anything but we were special. We were different. And if you don't share any of these thoughts then I guess it was never real in the start, but oh god I hope it was.