I wish that I could say that if I had a chance to take it back, I would but the truth is, as much as being without you hurts, there is nothing I would have done differently.
Maybe that sounds stupid, and you're probably going to think that I don't love you enough to take is back but you're wrong.
Let me tell you why I wouldn't take it back. I could never be who I am now if it wasn't for you. I remember not being okay for a while after you left me, I struggled to get out of bed and I didn't want to even live most days.
I had to fight like hell to be here right now. I cried in the mornings when I had to get out of bed and it was never easy but I kept trying for something and here I am now.
I am a better person because of it, because of you. I know maybe you don't understand and I know that maybe you're going to want to call me selfish but look at yourself. I dare you to tell me that you aren't a better person because of it- because you are.
We are both still living and we are doing the best that we can. Remember the time we said we couldn't be without each other? Look how wrong we were. Look at us. You're there and I'm here and we're okay without each other. And we have tried for something.
Today we stand a little taller and we laugh a little louder and we know that there is not a day we can't get through.
I still love you but this is how it was supposed to be all along.
If I find comfort in anything, it is knowing that everything we went through together, has always been a part of something much bigger than both of us. It has made us who we are.
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Recovery
PuisiWritings that helped me recover and will hopefully help you. Some might be mine.