Coach Knowles

64

onika

I woke up with a terrible headache. It was probably from crying.

Bey wasn't in bed with me anymore. She was probably with Imani. I'm grateful for her. If I would've taken a nap in the middle of the morning before her, I probably would've woken up to my house on fire.

I started to call Bey because I didn't feel like getting up and looking for her. She answered fast like she always does. "Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Downstairs, I'm coming up now."

"Okay, bye." I hung up because I could hear her coming up the stairs.

She came into the room and sat down next to where I was laying.

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I have a little bit of a headache now but I'm fine."

"What was wrong? Why were you crying?"

"Nothing, I'll handle it."

I honestly didn't know what to do. Talking to him and trusting him didn't work. Taking away his stuff didn't work. Whooping him didn't work.

It's not like I can send him away, he's about to graduate in a little bit over a month. There would be no point.

Nothing else I'm trying at this point is working.

"You'll handle what?"

I moved and laid my head down in her lap. We were just in opposite positions earlier today. "Nothing."

I'm honestly embarrassed. My son made me cry.

I should've had this under control. I don't know, I'm scared to do something too bad. When I was younger, my parents punished me in bad ways that I didn't learn from.

I'm just trying to be better and actually help him and this situation.

"Onika the way you were crying, it couldn't be nothing. Please just tell me so I can help you."

"It's okay, don't worry about it."

She started playing with my hair. "I'm just trying to be there for you. I'm worried."

"You have nothing to be worried about. It's okay."

"Can I braid your hair or am I going to pull something out if I do?"

"You're asking me if this is my real hair?"

"My mom told me not to ask women about their hair because it's disrespectful. I want to braid your hair but I don't want you to get mad if I pull something out."

"You can braid my hair, I have microlinks so no it's not all my hair."

"Microlinks?"

"These little tips with hair are connected to my hair. It's like extensions."

"How do you have time to get your hair done?" She started doing my hair, it felt good.

"Where there's a will there's a way." I really didn't feel like talking.

"We should go on a date, we haven't been on one in a while. I was us to actually go out, not just a date at my house."

"Okay."

"Have you ever been to a hotpot restaurant?"

"No and I'm not sure I want to, that seems more like Robyn's thing." I don't smoke.

"It's not what you're thinking of. I think you'll like it. We can go next weekend if you're not busy."

"Let's go tomorrow." I needed something to make me happy.