Coach Knowles

75

onika

I didn't call Bey back after that phone call or for the rest of the my time in New York. Even though I would miss her, I wanted to actually use our break to figure out what I wanted.

That's what I was supposed to be doing but we both knew I wasn't.

I had a lot of time to think and reflect, especially since my parents had Amir and Imani almost the whole time.

Closure was something I really needed. At least from my parents, I'm not talking to that man.

The whole thing went well. We stayed from Monday night to Friday afternoon. I wish I could've stayed longer but I couldn't.

The whole thing went a lot better than I expected it. I explained everything to my parents. There was a lot of crying, happy, angry, and sad.

I'm still processing everything because it was a lot. It was an impulsive spur of the moment thing so I didn't really get a chance to prepare myself mentally or think of what I was going to say.

I don't know why I decided to go to see my parents. I think all this talk about life made me think about death too.

I didn't want my parents to leave this Earth with no closure about me. Before this trip, the last time they saw me in person was when I was 17. I'm 35 now.

They were so happy to meet their grandchildren. They didn't want to let go.

I explained the situation and I tried to explain it as best I could to Imani in a way she could understand but she was still confused about the random people hugging her.

She doesn't care about anything as long as she can be the star of the show and that she was. They would hype her up for doing anything.

My siblings are grown as fuck. That was a big reality check. It almost felt like a walked through a time machine.

The last time I saw them they were little kids and now they're all bigger than me.

My parents were babying me the whole time. They barely even did that to me when I was younger. It wasn't their fault, I pushed them away.

I had a really enlightening conversation with my mom. She helped me see a lot of things in a different way.

I'm selfish. I felt like I had to because if I didn't, who would? But now Bey and I are in a relationship so I can't be selfish anymore. Bey is so selfless that it makes things even more about me.

Also, when we got back Imani had her first appointment with a physiatrist. She didn't like it that much but it was her first time, she's not used to it. If I take her a couple more times and she still isn't stirs about it, I'll take her another one.

I didn't call for a week after I got back from New York. I was ready to talk, I knew what I wanted now.

She told me she would come over that evening and I was nervous.

I wore shorts just to be safe. If she asks, I'll just tell her I got out the shower and I was going to wear them to sleep.

The doorbell rang and I smiled the whole time I was walking to the door.

I missed her so much. It's only been a little bit over two weeks but it feels way longer than that. I went from seeing her everyday and her being a part of my daily routine to nothing.

I couldn't even get the door open all the way before she hugged me and picked me up.

"I missed you so much." I wrapped my legs around her without breaking the hug. I didn't want to let her go.