James Barnes OneShots

Fears Of The New Beginnings

**Request by @wh0syn4h **

Hope it is what you expected if not i'm sorry

Words: 1722

--------

You sat on the edge of the hospital bed, holding your newborn baby girl close. After 3 days of staying at the hospital due to delivery complications, you were finally allowed to head back home. You knew all deliveries were different and scary, but you didn't expect a domino affect during yours.

First, it was almost losing the baby from extreme stress caused by your work during your pregnancy. Then, it was the complicated delivery. It was going nowhere for almost ten hours and the pain was unbearable. Bucky was by your side the entire time. Holding your hand, brushing away your hair and sweat from your face, and encouraging you the best ways possible. During the final stretch, you bled and tore down there, far too much. You vividly remembered hearing your baby cry and seeing Bucky's expression of pure joy and disbelief at hearing it, but it soon turned to pure fear once he saw what the doctors had seen. Blood. Lots of it, pooled on the bed. You passed out for no more than ten minutes immediately, scaring everyone. Bucky was next to you the whole time, anxious for both you and your daughter's condition. He hasn't gotten to see his child yet, being rushed out for tests. Once you woke, you had a very worried Bucky holding your hand, and tubes and monitors all over. Your husband was quick to make sure you were alright, and telling you of your baby's state. Stable, healthy, and was going to be brought back to you soon. Holding that little bundle to your chest, you started crying. You leaned up and rested your forehead on Bucky's shoulder, who held you both close with his own relieved and happy tears falling down.

You were brought back to the present by a presence to your right. Bucky wrapped his metal arm around your waist and pulled you close, using his flesh hand to cup his daughter's head. He brushed his thumb softly across the baby's cheek, and pressed a kiss to your temple.

"I don't think I'm ever going to fully get across how proud I am of you, Y/N. And how relieved and grateful that you're both alright. I love you both, so much." Bucky murmured, feeling nothing but complete love and joy and desire to protect you both in that moment and in the moments to come. He never thought he would have a family, but here he was. Holding his new family in his arms. After sitting there for a good while, admiring your new family, Bucky stood up and slung the two duffel bags you brought over his shoulder. He helped you up and helped you walk out to the car. After buckling your baby in the carrier and taking your place next to it, you left the hospital and drove home. Ready to start the new chapter in your life.

Just days after, you fell into what the doctor warned you of, baby blues. Bucky had seen the change in your mood as soon as it started. His happy and upbeat Y/N was gone. You started suffering from mood swings, and crying spells, anxiety and insomnia, but he helped best he could. And you seemed to get back on track and happier again.

Yet, that didn't seem to be the case.

2 months later, you sat on the floor in the hall next to the nursery door. Head held in your hands, you let silent tears pour down your face. All of the stress and anxiety and fears and overwhelming tasks of being a new parent had been lurking in the back of your mind since day one. They had disappeared for a short time, but now had reached it's nasty hand out and brought you into the darkness. The postpartum depression has caught you, and held you chained tight.

You were always alright with showing this side of you to Bucky, you always felt safe with him and he managed to truly understand what was wrong. Every time, he managed to unravel the secrets you didn't want shown. You knew you could lean on him about anything, anytime. But this time seemed to be different. You didn't know why, but this time, you couldn't seem to show your own battles going on to your husband. Bucky had his own problems, his own worries, so he should focus on that and your daughter. Not you. Why the sudden change in this? I was just fine a two months ago, you seemed to ask yourself a lot, wondering why you wouldn't let yourself collapse into his strong and comforting arms like always.