Dear Diary | Chacha

Burden

  ~Chapter 117~
                        BURDEN

Charlis POV:
Maybe I'm not a burden. Maybe he doesn't want to go back to his parents? Maybe this isn't my fault. I really hope this isn't my fault. I really really hope I'm not a burden to him.

I wonder now if his life would be better, easier, if I wasn't apart of it.

This whole time I've been selfish, I was too in love with him to look at his perspective. Is this why he's been so weird these days? Is this why he wanted to drop out of school?

I know he loves me so much but does he love me too much?

I have to find out.

The shower was still on so I decided to grab his diary from his bag.

Uh I hate looking through his stuff but I have to. For him.

I opened to the last page he wrote on

"Dear diary,
I hate my life so much. I hate everyone but Charli. I think I might even hate myself. I don't have any friends, I don't have any things I like, I need a break from life. I hate it. I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I'm letting it. I need help, but I don't want it."

Oh my god. I never realized he felt that way? Does he feel that way because of me? Am I the reason he has no friends or passions... he told me before when he left that he needed to find himself... he needed to love himself because he was using all his love for me... does he hate himself because he loves me? What if he can't love anything else because he's using all of his love on me, there's none left for anything else.

The bathroom door opened and I quickly closed his diary and threw it in his bag

Chase: "ready for school?"

I nodded

Charli: "you know you don't always have to stay here right? You can go back to your house whenever you want"

He looked confused

Chase: "are you kicking me out or something? If you don't want me here then I can go-"
Charli: "no no, of course I want you here. I'm just giving you the option"

He walked towards the bed and sat down

Chase: "I want to stay. For you."

For me? Why doesn't he want to stay for himself?
He said the same thing before, he isn't gonna drop out of school. For me.

Later at lunch, we sat together alone at the cafeteria.
His lacrosse teammates were all sitting at the table across from us.
They looked at him and waved

Grant: "Chase why don't you come sit with us today!"

See. He does still have friends.

Chase: "I'm okay. Thanks though!"

What??

Charli: "you can go? Il just get some work done while you're gone. I really don't mind"
Chase: "no it's okay, I would rather spend my time with you"

I know but we spend every second of every day together?

Chase: "it would be awkward anyway since I quit lacrosse"