MiniSeries About Timothee Chalamet

The Comedian Part 3

Warnings - sex jokes, getting hard in public, jokes about sexuality, kinda dark joke, mentions of sex

I was excited for this set. When we'd been fucking a week ago, Timothée moaned into my mouth "take me on stage". I'd clarified later and he said he really did want it. He wanted me to bring him on stage while I made my jokes about him.

"So, now that you've heard all that," I smiled. "Would you perhaps like to meet the man of the hour?"

"YESSS!" Cried the crowd.

"Timothée come on down," I called, and my boyfriend walked out sheepishly, and waved. He bowed a few times to me as the crowd cheered.

"See what mean? Usually, you wouldn't expect such a timid guy, to have such a plum tree shaker."

The laughs were minimal, and I saw many a confused face.

"Now I notice a lot of you didn't laugh, but I was researching for this bit, and I found that euphemism, it's from 1611, and I just am so curious. Is that how they measured dicks back in the day?"

"What's your name sir," I asked a man.

"Thomas," he shouted.

"Thomas I'm about to make a joke about your dick, please know it's a joke, I don't want someone shooting up the place," I said to roars of laughter. "You gotta be careful with straight white guys these days. But I guess now I'm assuming your sexuality so I should probably just get on with the joke."

"I'm the 1600 hundreds did people just go," I dropped the mic and squinted are Thomas's crotch. He opened his jacket so I had a better view of him.

"Yep, nope, nope, only a tangerine tree shaker," I shook my head. The crowd was dying laughter.

"Did the girls gossip and say. I slept with Angelo last night. Annnd? Hmm I'd say he could definitely shake at least an apple tree, but a plumb tree? No way."

"Then you've got my guy," I said, putting my elbow on his shoulder and leaning against him.

"I shouldn't do that, it really highlights how much taller he is," I said and removed myself.

"My guy, he's got that coconut tree shaker," I said and the crowd screamed their delight.

"This is awesome! Soon my comedy can just turn into live sex. I get cock, money, and laughs, you're all easy to please," I beamed.

"Another name I found was the silent flute, and I've gotta say," I said, making myself laugh. "He's definitely not silent when I play."

Timothée was squirming, but grinning. He had pink patches on his cheeks as he stood.

"Oh, you're lucky crowd," I nearly screamed. I pointed to Timothée's crotch. He looked mortified.

"Somebody is hard," I said in a sing song voice.

"Babe," he whined.

"Don't 'babe' me, you asked to be here. He literally did, during sex by the way, so I'm definitely getting, probably the best sex of my life later," I chuckled.

"You know when you're a couple, you get to the point when you start diving into each other's childhood?" I asked and everyone agreed.

"Yes well, my Timmy used to rap," I smiled, and I knew, he knew where this was going. He groaned.

"This man!" I said pointing to him.

"This man," I grabbed his jaw to show him off.

"THIS man," I said pointing at his huge bulge.

"Rapped a line where he said "two inches, and proud." Let's say that again. TWO INCHES AND PROUD," I screamed into the mic.

"Does this," I said pointing to his pants. "Look like two inches to you?"

"No!!!" Screamed the crowd.

"You just know girls from his school saw that and said, If he can say that with confidence, he must be huge. You see, my guy is advanced in reverse psychology, and has a great dick. What else can you ask for?"

"Now, some of you may know Timmy has a new movie coming out, called Bones and All," I said.

"I just thought it was ironic, because that's what I say when people ask me how I like Timothée," I said, waiting for the suspense to build.

"You know, 'How do you like Timmy?'" I faked the question. "Wellll, bones," I said pointing over and over to his crotch like a neon sign. "And all," I said moving my hand all over his body.

"Which if you've brought your 'horny bitch translation guide' means, he's got an amazing cock and a great personality," I landed the joke, much to the audiences enjoyment.

"Goodnight everyone! I'm gonna go get fucked really well!" I yelled. Timothée took my arm a little harshly.

"You're in for it when we're home Mon Amor," he growled.

"Ohhh scary," I smirked.