Mga Tula Ni Juana

an angel undisguised (a. d.)

i rolled up and found myself
uncomfortable
miserable
tangled by the blanket
and what ifs
how was my life
before
when I'm still with you
how could this life
be hard
and soft
afterwards
the mixed feelings of
pain
and gladness
when I--
can't breathe
right now
i wish i was strong
enough
and fight with you
against the world
even though
I'm wrong
and guilty
i wish
you don't know
how many times
i mourned
cried
cursed myself
like how my tears
right now
just show
sincerity
and longingness
of someone
I've done worse
and I don't have
any right to ask this
But God help me
ease this feeling
and yes
I'm writing this
at 11 in the evening
not minding how my
silent whimpers of love
can be heard
i wish
this poem reaches you
pop up in your notif
and hear my words
and know how
sorry I am
'cause an angel undisguised
will be showing up
in my dreams tonight

- j