Undeserving Love

Going, Going, Gone.

Season11x22-23

Time stands still as Meredith and I watch the cars pull up. Her hand shoots out and clutches mine, as the lights from the police car flash. Our attention get brought back when there's a knock at the door, we walk together hands holding on to each other like a lifeline as we go to answer it. We open the door as two Officers stand there looking as us. We stand there in a trans, a blur, a black hole.

"Ma'am? Ma'am?" I get awoken from the fog. "Ma'am, is this the home of Derek Shepherd?" I squeeze her hand the moment I hear his name.

"It is. He's my husband."

"I'm afraid there's been an accident. Could you come with us, please?" My heart stop and I know that her's did as well. "Are you two okay?" The cop asked. Yes we are pendejo you are telling us someone we know and love was in an accident and we are perfectly fine.

Meredith looks at me and then back at the officer. "I c... I...I can't just go. I... what am I supposed to do with my kids?"

"Go I'll stay with them-" She cuts me off.

"No I want you to... I need you to come." She looks at me and I nod.

~~~~~~

Meredith pushes Bailey's stroller and I hold Zola's hand as we enter Dillard. A small crappy hospital, that my brother is laying in dead, and we can never get him back. I can never have him back. A social worker gives Zola a balloon and takes both kids so Meredith and I can go to Derek. We hold each others hands as we go up the elevator and walk over to Derek's ICU room. Two "doctors" stand behind us as we look down at Derek who is covered in wires and tubes. Reminding me of Mark and his last moments the image identical killing me even more. My thoughts where cut short when the man starts to speak.

"Dr. Grey. Dr. Grey, I can't... We can't tell you how sorry... I am so sorry for your loss. Dr. Shepherd was a tremendous surgeon... t...tremendously gifted. I've long admired his techniques. I... It... Was an honor." I turn to look at him with disbelief and disgust as Meredith takes the chart from the woman and looks through it.

Meredith hands me the chart and I look over it as well as she talks to the man. "The call to not get a head C.T. was a bad call."

The woman speaks up. "We're not a trauma center. We're a teaching hospital." She says softly.

"You did the best you could."

~~~~~~

Meredith is in the hall sitting on a bench with Zola sleeping in her lap and Bailey in his stroller. I turn to look at Derek and I put my hand on his cheek my last resort to comfort him or me at this point I don't even know. Tears begin to finally run down my cheek. "You told me you would be back. You said that you would never leave me, that I would never loose you. You lied to me. Just like Mark."

I step back from him and just stare at him. I begin to pace around the room. "What about Pablo. Huh, what am I going to tell him. That tío Derek is gone and never coming back. I-I I can't do that to him." I walk back and hug his body. "Please come back. You are my favorite big brother. My family. My home. One of the last true connections to Mark. I need you Derek.

Who is going to control me and buy me Starburst. Who's going to call me Baby bell when I break into your house. I'm not going to be able to call you Babygirl anymore and treat you like my Spanish girl, I won't be able to smack you on the head when you do something stupid. You won't be here when I get my doctorate in Neuro Science."