Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Update 2 of the night

Two updated today!?? Wow. Yeah no I'm just in my feels. My aromantic feels.

Anyways. I while ago I saw a video and this dude said "if you say a fandom ruined it for you were you ever really a fan in the first place?"
And like all the comments were agreeing and such.

And it's like no dude you don't understand because when I say the fandom ruined the show I am not even trying to blame the fandom. It's my fault really. What I mean by "the fandom ruined the show for me" what I mean is "me joining the fandom ruined it"

Because the fandom was a normal fandom. Like all fandoms it was hyper focused on ships. That's not really their fault it's just the way people are.

But like I was such a fan of the show. I could barley go a couple of days without watching the whole thing. I thought about it 24/7. It was everything to me.

And in a way it still is but after I joined the fandom I just can't stand the whole shipping thing.

I'm sorry I complain a lot here, if you're new you'll l find out very quickly I complain a lot.

It's like. I don't know what to do about it because I can't just change how I feel and part of me doesn't even want to change. Part of me doesn't want to like fictional romance. But a part of me does want to like it so I can just enjoy my favorite show again and enjoy anything at all without fictional romance getting me annoyed or upset or something. 

And it's so weird because I never get like this about my asexuality. Sex scenes? I barley read books or watch shows with them anyways and if I do I skip or don't pay attention or whatever. It doesn't bother me that sex grosses me out. I don't even think about it.

But part of me is always bothered that I don't like romance. And a part of me is bothered that I'm bothered. Like I'm simultaneously like "who cares, fuck romance" and another part is "life would be so much easier if I just liked it why can't I like it"

It'll never sit right with me that people will but romance first every single time as easily as breathing.

And I think the reason I hate fictional romance and not real romance is because when it's real, it's the people in the romantic relationship making their own choices about who they out first and when. When it's fictional, it's the fans automatically assuming the characters will put romance first or love their romantic partner more than their friends. Maybe that's it. I don't know.

I literally don't understand how my own brain works or anything.

I don't know.

So yea. That's all I have to say right now. Thanks so much for listening. Wishing you all the best, take care 💚💜