Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Complaining again

Broooooooo. Okay first let me start off on a positive note and say happy pride month everyone 🎉

Now I'm gonna complain if that's okay with you.

So I am a reader except I don't even feel like I can call myself that anymore. I used to sit down and read all day I would devour a book. Now I am weary of every book I pick up. I read them so much slower. It's just uugggg. And as a writer I need to be reading bc that's part of what makes you a better writer. I saw a quote once that I LOVED "reading is breathing in writing is breathing out". And writing is the most important thing so reading is a must but now it's just not as fun bc pretty much every book has romance and I'm so stubborn and just idk picky and a hater that I can't read it if it has too much romance and since I'm such a hater pretty much any romance is too much for me.

I was reading this book. I got it a while ago and I've been reading it slowly. I was hoping for a low romance level bc it was a thriller but THAT was the DUMBEST thing I have EVER thought. A boy and a girl main characters, that's a gold mine for heteronormativity and allonormativity/amatonormativity to tag team.

So I was expecting a little subplot of romance between them. But I was really really hoping there wouldn't be. Which is dumb bc I know better than that.

But I was not expecting a spice scence in the middle of nowhere. And like, I just. Uggg. Bc like first off they just escaped captivity where they were tortured starved beaten and sexually assaulted. It just felt outta the blue. Idk again maybe I'm just a total hater. I didn't finish the scence bc like I don't want to and I could just skip it and move on but I don't know if there's gonna be another one in there and I just, I shouldn't be like this, but it just doesn't make me interested in the book anymore.

And like I'm so upset bc it was kinda a good book but like it just kinda changes the way I see their characters and their dynamic which changes the book for me and it's like this is exactly what I mean when I say I hate being aroace bc there's aros and aces and aroaces who like spice and romance and could read it all day and I dont necessarily want to like it bc I hate it so much that wanting to like it kust is like a no for me but at the same time I do wish I liked it so I could be "normal" and read a book without fearing the characters are gonna end up romantic let alone a spice scence popping up.

It's just frustrating bc like I don't wanna be a hater and it's not like I hate people who like it, I just hate the thing they like. But also I feel like part of me is like wrong bc a part of me is like judging them for it or not judging but like idk how to explain it and it's just so irritating.

Like why does it make me so upset I hate it. I hate this.

It just makes everything seem impossible.