Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Why do I do this to myself

Me: watches a YouTuber I like playing through a game that follows two best friends who kinda have resentment towards each other work through their past and hatred and become best friends again. (Really sweet story based game about frienship and the complexity of it when it can feel like you're competing

Also me: don't read the comments. Don't do it. You already know what they're gonna say. Don't do it. Choose peace.

Also me: but what if there's just one, one, that appreciates the frienship

*opens comments*

"More than friends"

Me: I freaking told you not to read the comments!!

So yea. Why do I do this to myself

It's 1:30 am. I should be sleeping but I have to wake up early tomorrow for therapy on my hand (it's getting much better by the way. I'm typing this with two thumbs instead of one!)

Anyway this game is called Cold Front and long story short Auggie and Winnie have to work through their feeling bc Winnie thought Auggie hated him and Auggie thought Winnie was trying to get rid of him and they're like in a coma flash back thing idk and to escape they have to work through their feelings to escape and wake up.

So of course since it's two people being like "hey, I care about you and I think you're bright and amazing" automatically makes it romantic so honestly I am low-key over this 😍

I'm so scared for when I publish books you have no idea.

This game was veryyy story based in my opinion so I'd call the creator a writer. It was a beautiful story that probably took a lot of thought. And I now art can have multiple interpretations but like I feel like making it romantic in the games context waters down the meaning of it.

And as an aspiring author , I don't want this to happen to my books. I've been working on no regrets for years. Years.
So much time, thought, and effort. So many tears, so many times I'm just gutting my heart.

I'm fine if people want to like and enjoy romance with any of the characters as long as it's not Reggie and Rue. Not them with each other or anyone else. ESPECIALLY RUE. Reggie's more romance ambivalent (is that the word) or neutral. He's kinda on the fence on if he likes roamce or not. He likes romance in fiction at times but mainly just likes seeing other people in real life experience it bc he likes seeing people experience joy. Rue does not like romance in any context so if I see one person ship her romantically with anyone, I'll probably cry and crash out.

Anyways. I just feel bad from a writer view point. Bc that story kinda was hard hitting and for people to just be like "so they're more than friends" like THATS NOT THE POINT😭 uggggggggg.

I need to stop. I didn't need to open the comments. But my brain hates me and it's gonna want me to go back after I post this and read more, searching for that one that says something about their friendship.

Anyways thanks for listening to my rant.  I wish you all an amazing day/night. Take care 💚💜