Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Nuance

I think the reason the discussion on whether or not platonic love is just as important as romantic love is because it's a very messy, nuanced discussion and a lot of people struggle with that and I also think ego/self centeredness gets in the way.

It's normal to want to be loved and wanted. It's human to want to be "someone's first choice" but the nuance is we are creating a ranking system to rank something that cannot be ranked.

So when someone hears that "I love you, you are everything" it's like they expect that means they are the only person that person needs/wants when there's way more layers to it like just ugggg. "You're enough" becomes less about you and more about everyone else and people hear that and hear "I'm better than everyone else in their eyes"

I made a post a while ago saying I love pineapple and I love spaghetti. And I don't need pinapple to be warm and comforting like spaghettie is because it's fresh and sweet. Spaghetti doesn't need to be fresh and sweet bc it's warm and comforting. Both are enough. But I wouldn't want to give up one for the other. (However I have kinda grown outta my taste for pineapple I still love it lol but I think my fav fruit now is watermelon or cantaloupe. Idk it changes all the time but you guys get the point in trying to make right?)

I don't know how to explain it. And that's because there's layers and nuance.

The idea most people have about romance is always putting your romantic partner first and never needing anything else. But you can very well "not need anything else" and still have those other things and other people. Bc it's not that you need anything else, you don't need that person to be anything other than themselves. Them being their self is enough for you to love them but that doesn't mean you don't need the joy others bring you.

I could talk for hours about this bc there's just so much to say.

Like putting it into perspective of all I had in my life were my siblings, hell I would miss my best friend but not because I don't love my siblings or they don't give me enough love or anything. Their love still brings me joy. They still bring me joy. Same is true in reverse, if I didn't have my siblings and the only person I had in my life was my best friend, I would miss my siblings and wish they were here but not because my best friend isn't enough.

Like it's so hard to put into words other than I wouldn't trade either of them for the other and I need them all, but each individual is enough by themselves.

I keep seeing these videos of girls saying "I hope I raise a kids,wife, mom son" or "wife kids mom son" and I'm like bro I am not having kids but let's say I do have a son. I hope I raise him not to rank them.

And someone said you could love them all the same but prioritize them different. I half agree to that. Bc I think they ment prioritize more or less. But it's not really a one to one scale.

Your kids safety should be your priority but that's because they need more help than your wife/mom in that area. So you are not deprioritizing your wife or your moms safety by putting your kids safety first, bc they are adults and can take tbeir own safety into account.

So yes you should have different priorities for the different people but it's based on their needs and the health of the relationship.

Like I could really talk for hours so I'm sorry if this ends up being like 2 hours of reading lol it probably won't be but just man. It sucks that only aroace or aspec people are reading this bc I feel like this is something everyone needs to hear even though I'm kinda doing a sucky job at explaining it.

I don't get how people do not understand or do not think love is infinite and you can only love to a certain limit and you run out of it or something. I hope to make this themes loud and clear in my book through my character Reggie (yes named after my fav character from Jatp).

Like I don't get why people rank the people they love. Like you can have more than one fav person. And if you can't maybe you don't actually love the people you are ranking past 2.

Like maybe I'm the dumb one but like I genuinely do not fucking get why this is even a conversation. Like in a way I do bc I get it's kinda complicated and everyone wants to be someone's favorite and all bc people wanna be loved but I don't want someone to love somebody else less to love me more. I don't anybody to love someone less to love someone more.

So no I personally don't wanna be someone's "favorite person" unless every other person in their life sucks or they have more than one favorite person.

Like my best friend. She has other friends. She has a little brother. Like— bro. Like I want to be one of her favorite people but I don't wanna be her only favorite.

Like it genuinely just fucking hurts and it's probably where my hatred for romance comes from. I don't actually think I hate it because I'm aroace. I think I don't love roamnce because I'm aroace but I think I hate romance because of the way everyone else acts like it's the best and treat other forms of love as less.

Same runs true for almost everything. Don't hate me but I hate Taylor Swift (not the person more like her music/the fandom/like the brand or whatever. I know it's not a brand but idk what other word to use) like what I mean is I don't actually think I hate her music I hate that it's everywhere and her fans jump at you and some will call you misogynistic for not liking her music so it's like turned into a hatred for me. I feel like I've almost always felt the need to reject what's popular if I did not already love it before I knew it was popular.

But yea. It just hurts that romance is so overwhelmingly like pushed and it's so normalized to like rank these things. Because like I may prioritize seeking out frienship more than i prioritize seeking out romance right but I don't have a romantic relationship so I can't love my romantic partner less if they don't exist. My not looking for one doesn't mean I won't love that person infinitely too I just don't have one. Like an only child basically. They can't put their best friend ABOVE a sibling they don't have. I can't put my friends above a boyfriend I don't have.

I don't even know. I feel like I've lost the point bc like you guys probably know all of this already so I'm really just spewing redundant words and it's a waste of time. But like honestly I can't shut up about this.

Like obviously friendships are more important to me bc it's all I have (friendships and family I mean) like my friends and family are more important to me than romance bc my romance box is empty and I'm fine with that.

If one day a person walks in the box then it will be as important.

So like if the only person someone has is a romantic partner I know romance will be more important to them.

That's why this is nuance. Bc individually love holds different importance.

What I don't get is the people who have friends and family that they claim to love but still say it's less than romance.

I said it before I'll say it again: love is infinite.

If you don't love/adore/care/appreciate someone infinitely maybe you don't love them you really like them. You care about them.

I don't know. I'm sorry this is probably getting repetitive so I'm going to end it here. Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful day/night. Take Care 💚💜