Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Tiktok

Guys don't take what I'm about to say literally. I kinda wish TikTok stayed banned 😭

LISTEN. I'm GLAD it's back. I need it to market my books when I publish.

But I use TikTok way too often as a weapon against myself. It's not TikToks fault it's mine.

You can find anything on TikTok. And sometimes I get in moods where I'm feeling emotional about platonic love so I'll look up some videos and when I find one I know will be controversial I open the comments and look for ones I know will fucking stab me on the heart.

"Non issue" "ignore it" good news is I'm getting so use to it it's not upsetting me as much as the first time around. But "just ignore it" DONT PLAY WITH ME!!! I have max beef with those words. I was told to "just ignore" my siblings but it felt like I always had to stop what I was doing for them instead of them ignoring me. And it can be so hard to ignore things for me sometimes.

Anyways, I'm in a mood where I am feeling not emotional about platonic love but I just am reved up. I wanna argue with someone about the importance and I don't know why 😭😭  bc I know it'll never do anything.

Bc how am I supposed to say I hate when people ship platonic ships and I wish they wouldn't while at the same time saying I know people can ship whoever and I'm not saying they can't.

Like how can I say those two things at once and get through to people.

Like it's not the actual ship it's the principle of the matter.

Right.

Because I don't go around saying "they're platonic" to canon romantic ships.

It feels like there's no good way to dismantling amatonormativity.

And it makes me feel so lost.

People are going to do whatever. I know that.

People are going to ignore the canon. I know.

And a part of me really doesn't care. But a part of me does. I have conflicting feelings. And one of them is angry so of course I'm gonna feel that stronger harder and more painfully. Of course that's gonna be the one I notice more.

And I am running out of words to say about how I feel.

Why does this always happen on nights I have to wake up early on. I have to wake up at 6 am to go to hand therapy that I specifically scheduled so early so that I could get a ride on the bus and then still make it to class (the bus system I use wasn't going to be available in the afternoon and I have morning classes so I had to schedule my therapy for early early morning) but I don't even have class tomorrow it's MLK day.

Ughhh. Don't go to college with a broken hand. College is stressful enough, throwing medical issues on top of that when I have no car to get to my appointments with my social anxiety is just a mess. A disaster.

Anyways I'm going to try to get some sleep tonight. Take care, have a lovely day/night 💚💜