Aroace thoughts/rants, poems more

Aroace sadness of the night

*cries in aroace

Why do I do this to myself. I feel emotional bc something trigers my aromantic pain when someone devalues platonic love and it's so bad to where if it's even SLIGHTY implied they view platonic love as less or that they think a pair of friends are flirting or should be shipped and my little aromantic brain like can't let it go? Then i explicitly search on TikTok for these videos and scroll until I find one with a lot of comments then I open the comments and search for ones I know will make me more upset.

Like can I don't let things go? Why am I searching for something to be mad at? Also it's not even a back and white argument because as much as I wish platonic love would stop being romantized I can't tell people they can't ship anyone, but you also can't have ships that are universally accepted as platomic bc everyone is different and there's always gonna be people that ship and platonic friendships romantically.

But the thing is is there will never be a romantic ship most people say is "they're totally platonic!" And negate their romantic bond. People accept when it's romantic. But if it's platonic side not everyone will romantize it but there will always be people who will.

And I like don't get it. I don't get why people can accept romance  but not platonic and I know none of this will ever change. I know.

So why can't I just let it go.

I can't even put into words how I feel. It's so frustrating and unfair.

If o were to say "they're totally platonically. They're in denial about their platonic love and anyone who disagrees just is a hater and hates platonic love. Your platonic phobia is showing" people would be like "girl they literally are making out"

But if it's in reverse, anyone can do what they want.

And I get they are just having fun I know. I know. I know it doesn't do any real harm.

So why the fuck does my brain not let me let it go.

Why do I hold onto this anger and fustration and pain when someone viewing things romantically doesn't change the canon platonic or my own view of it? Or at least I shouldn't let it change my view on it.

But it's the fact it's because the world sees romance as "more" I can't I don't know how to talk about this get here I am yapping away.

Like you're gonna look at a platonic bond and tell me it's romantic as if friends can't have deep conversations or bonds or be each other's favorites people.

And I know that most of them don't explicitly say romamce is more and that if you ask them they would say platonic love is equal and important but actions speak louder than words. Idk if that actually fits here.

I just.  Ajjjjjjjhhhhhhh. I need to talk to someone who gets it like actually talk and not just put this out into the void.

Bc i could talk in circles. I could talk and make zero sense. I wish I didn't care so much I wish I didn't care I wish I just didn't care about it or that I could at least let things go instead of being upset about it

I really believe that you can't chose how you feel but at the same time I feel like I'm choosing to feel angry and upset

I just I can't. How am I supposed to defend and raise up platonic love and dismantle amatonormativity when I don't have words and it's such a grey area. It's impossible.

Also I'm really fucking hungry but I'm at college and I'm running out of snack in my dorm so that's great.