You drew stars around my scars

Taylor's panic

Jessica didn't miss going to school – in fact she absolutely loved homeschooling but sometimes she did find it lonely. She saw other girls at the centre but it was a different type of bond with them – there was a lot of emotional baggage attached and Jessica always kind of felt like she was in a competition with them. The teen had stayed in contact with a few girls from her school though. One of the girls – Emily, was having a sleepover and invited Jessica, saying it would be nice to catch up but emphasising there was no pressure.

Jessica read the text and immediately became excited. She rushed over to Taylor – thrusting her phone in the blonde woman's face "can I go?!"

Taylor frowned slightly, her voice uncertain "I don't know buddy..."

Jessica bounced up and down slightly on the spot "please?! I will eat! I promise! I'll even send you photos of it all...."

Taylor sighed, not believing that the girl would actually do it. Jessica put on her best puppy dog eyes "PLEASE? I haven't seen them in so long and if I don't go now, they might not invite me again...please Tay?!"

Taylor bit her lip "I tell you what – if I speak to Emily's mum first, then you can go..."

Jessica rolled her eyes "that's SO uncool!"

Taylor shrugged, the rules outlined "I will speak to her, find out the plan for food, tell her what you need and agree that I can speak to her afterwards too to find out if you ate...that's the deal"

Jessica sulked slightly, crossing her arms "ergh, fine!"

Taylor kissed the side of her head "buddy – one day I won't need to do this, I promise..."

Jessica rolled her eyes "it's SO embarrassing Tay"

Taylor shook her head, her voice was firm "it's keeping you healthy and safe. You're still so prone to slip ups..."

Jessica pouted slightly "I just don't want them all knowing!"

Taylor smiled softly "they won't! I will speak to her and as long as you eat properly, she won't need to intervene. This is a test for you..."

Jessica's body deflated and she nodded "ok fine..."

Friday night came around and Jessica was all packed and ready to go. She came downstairs and Taylor smiled widely at her "are you excited?"

Jessica nodded, a big grin on her face "yeah!"

The blonde looked her over, searching for any signs of discomfort "are you nervous?"

Jessica shook her head, seemingly totally relaxed. Taylor nodded before taking a deep breath "now – I don't normally tell you about food – but I think it's important we agree amounts?"

Jessica nodded, anticipating it eagerly. Taylor's voice was calm but she knew the girl wasn't going to like this "they are ordering pizza..."

The teen's face fell and she bit her lip nervously. Taylor squeezed her hand to reassure her "you will be fine. You need two slices and some garlic bread, ok?"

Jessica nodded, not quite meeting Taylor's eye. The blonde crouched down slightly – forcing the girl to look at her "I am serious Jessica...Emily's mum knows too. If you don't then I will be coming to collect you early"

Jessica sighed "ok! I can do it..."

Taylor kissed her head "ok...let's go then!"

Once Taylor had dropped her off, she headed back home. Jessica had gone in with no anxiety but Taylor seemed to have it all tonight. She began pacing round the living room, trying to burn off some of her nervous energy. All she could think about was Jessica – she worried the teen would cheat or lie about food, she worried that she wasn't there to help her through the meal if she was distressed, she worried that the other girls would be mean to her. It seemed she was caught in this anxiety spiral, she had lost all sense of what was rational and suddenly, every possible bad scenario was running through her head.