mha sick fics (angst)

PTSD (erasermic)

Pov Aizawa saw oboro's body/death and after their visit w kurogiri, has an extremely hard time.

TW: self harm, survivors guilt, panic attacks, PTSD, suicidal ideation/past attempts

*Not fully lore compliant.
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The first panic attack happened in the police car escorting them away from Tartarus after finding out their old friend, Oboro Shirakumo was actually "alive" and helping the league of villains as Kurogiri.

The panic attack belonged to Shouta Aizawa, Oboro's first friend at UA. They had been inseparable while Oboro was still alive, but now all of the grief he had pushed down and processed in some twisted, forgetful way came springing back up like dandilions in the spring.

It wasn't extravagant, Aizawa hid his wheezing and crying so well the officer in the front of the car didn't even notice or say anything. Even Mic was out of it enough not to notice his husband's distress at first. This wasn't easy on either of them.

Aizawa couldn't find his breath and he certainly couldn't hold back his tears. Soft hiccups gave way to silent sobs. After a minute, Mic found his hand and squeezed it, interlacing their fingers before finding his other hand and placing it on his own chest.

"You're okay." He whispered, letting Aizawa feel his heart beating, giving him something to focus on and ground himself to as his irratic breathing began to calm.

Aizawa slumped over in his seat and rested his head on his husband's shoulder, still hiccuping over and over. It was hard.

This was all so so hard.

Aizawa always had mental health problems, even before Oboro's death. He was an socially anxious kid who had a hard time seeing the good in the world. He wanted nothing more than to create the light he couldn't find for himself. He'd never had a light to look forward to until Oboro came along and practically adopted him as a friend.

From that moment, despite some attempted avoidance in the beginning by Shouta, they were inseparable. Eventually, he stopped fighting it and accepted that the cloudy boy was with him for life.

He just never expected that one life to be so short.

If it weren't for Oboro, he wouldn't have met Mic, his literal husband. It was funny because Aizawa didn't even like Yamada at first. He thought the freshman was annoying, but that changed when he understood Oboro's high opinion of him. (And after highschool, Hisashi got a major glow up, which helped Aizawa recognize the feelings he had for his best friend all along).

But after Oboro died, Aizawa was sent into a downward mental spiral that didn't end for years. Aizawa was depressed. He barely did his school work or showed up (and he wouldn't have if it hadn't been for Mic needing his support). He went home and slept. When he wasn't sleeping, he felt so shitty. He had horrible panic attacks often at the most simple triggers or none at all. Attacks that got real bad. Attacks where he thought he needed to call an ambulance because his chest hurt and he physically could not breathe.

He hadn't been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, but the nightmares, the flashbacks, and the panic attacks that didn't stop until there was a pain in his wrists bigger than the one in his chest to shock him out of them. He had all the signs, but none of the care he needed.

After he graduated and entered the hero business as an underground hero, the spiral became worse than ever.

Sure, at this point he had buried down the trauma of his best friend's death, but hero work was no slice of cake. He saw child abuse, homicide, dead bodies, blood, and so much more than just the average villain attack because the worst crimes in Japan don't happen in broad daylight. His quirk was perfect for apprehending dangerous citizens and getting people out of abusive situations safely. He was often assigned to domestic abuse cases. He felt alone and scared constantly. He didn't get the opportunity to work with other heroes often, the underground community was small and disconnected.