Maybe if you want a rich girlfriend you should have stayed with Livi
Why am I so worthless
Why am I such a waste of space and time and resources
I have to take 3 types of medication and go to therapy weekly just to function like a normal human who does basic human tasks.
And even then I can't manage much more than school and not even regular school because I couldn't handle that either
Why does everything feel so much harder for me than for everyone else
Maybe I'm still not trying hard enough
I should have realized that
I haven't been nearly hard enough on myself
I'm trying to make peace with knowing I do struggle more than most people and shouldn't expect to be at their level and it's okay if I'm not but then Eleanor had to say that and now I'm spiraling
Why are they trying so hard for me to get better
I don't deserve any of this
I basically quit the only thing I'm good at
I didn't even want to do archery but I felt like I owed it to him after coming into his life and ruining it
So I figured if that's the only thing I'm good at then I'll become the very best
And then it became actually important for me to be the best because now it wasn't a silly game it was life or death
But then I had a chance to prove I was the best and I didn't take it because I was so fucking scared of what people would think of me if I wasn't the best like they thought
Who am I if I fail at the thing from which I get all my worth? Worthless.
